What is a friend?

After my divorce I got addicted to an online adult chat room. My entire focus was this chat room; I lost 2 jobs thanks to my actions of needing to chat in it. I did meet tons of people and have what I thought as HUNDREDS of friends. Lots of people on IM, and was quite popular. (Well at least in my mind) This addiction went on for a number of years and although I did have a ton of friends they were all from this chat room/site.

What I came to realize after way too many years wasted on this addiction, was that these people weren’t really friends. They were screen names on a computer screen.  To be a friend to someone you have to spend REAL time with them. You have to know what their face looks like when they are laughing, farting, crying, or living life. A friend is someone that is there for you during the good and bad, someone you can fight with and then hug and all will be okay. Someone who knows what your house looks like cleaned and totally a mess, knows your favorite ice cream, movie, or  drink, the people who cheer your accomplishments on, and mourn the losses.  A friend is someone whom you physically do things in life with, someone who shares their life with you, who misses you when you’re gone, and can’t wait to see you again.

I started to realize that the people I looked at as friends where just words/screen names on a computer screen and I was able to eventually break my addiction.  I do go in and chat from time to time, but it’s not this undying need to be there every second of every day. To fall asleep at the computer, just to wake up and jump back on the room. Yes I had a problem and yes I’ll admit it. So what does this have to do with where I am in my life these days?

Although I don’t view myself as having this addiction any longer, I am realizing that many people think they are friends with someone yet they don’t spend any physical time with the person. A lot of people think they are your friend and all you do is text or IM.

It has become the newest form of communication, yet the most misunderstood (next to emails) and the most archaic in my personal opinion.  So many people misunderstand what a text means; you can’t hear the intention behind a text. So why is it that people are okay with texting and communicating this way? Yes I enjoy texting, and yes I do text, but I have a problem with having a serious conversation via text. I’m forced many times because so many people won’t talk on the phone or even meet in person to talk anymore.  It’s sad and it makes me at least wonder is the friendship really worth it? Let alone does the person on the other end even value the gift of friendship that I am offering them?

To me a friend is someone that you spend time with, you hear their voice, you share holiday photos with, you’re able to count on and them, and them you in times of good and bad. A friend isn’t a text buddy; it’s not someone that your sole form of communication is words on a small phone screen.  

Friends are those that call you to spend time with you and you them. So why is this so difficult to explain to the males in my life, who are saying we are “friends”? Why would you rather be alone and have a “friend” on text, than spend time with that person? I’d rather have friends that I know where they live, that I can call and will give me a ride home because I’m too drunk from the party, someone I can make chicken soup for when sick, hold their hand when they are upset, and celebrate lives accomplishments with. Is it so unreasonable to want a true friendship with the people that are in your life?

Have we really become such a technology society that even our friends are 2 dimensional? I’d like to make sure that all of mine are in 3D, true, loving, healthy, and with life forms, vers my various electronic devices.

Step up become a true friend to those in your life, for before you know it , your life will be gone and you’ll look around and regret the wasted time. Be a true friend, start today.