Letting the despair go.

What do you do when you are so deep in despair that you can't see any healthy way out? Today I found out about my unemployment and with it came such a despair that I thought about taking my life for the first time in many many many years. 

My unemployment was approved, but with it came a surprise of being fined 15 weeks of pay due to the over payments made to me in 2011. So I am stuck with no income coming in for unemployment for 4 months. WHAT THE HELL am I suppose to do? I officially cried it all out. Then tried to think about what to do. 

I'm literally lost as I seriously don't know where to turn and at the moment can't really think to well as to what to do. I sucked up my ego and asked a friend for a loan to pay this months rent and past due bills, but he had a point what am I going to do next month when the bills are due? To be honest I don't know. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow or the day after I just know that I have this despair deep in my chest that I can't lift off and its financial. 

Its so frightening to me that I can't seem to think straight all I want to do is sleep and well all know that's not helpful at all. I feel like I am constantly struggling in my life that nothing good financially ever happens for me. My credit is shot, my loan options are awful and I owe everyone around me money. How can I live my life trying to be positive, good, etc when financially I am a MESS! How can I enter into a relationship with anyone when I am such a FINANCIAL MESS? Is this my higher power once again trying to shake me up and have me fix things? But how? I have always believed that God would take care of me but at the same time shouldn't I be taking care of the things he is giving me? I have probably missed or taken for granted plenty of things that have been given to me in my life to change my path so why is that I am where I am now? And how do I change this pattern? 

How do I change my life right now? How do I pull myself up from the despair, tie a knot in the rope and swing for all my might? How do I let the ego go, chase the fear away and remind myself that this is just a step on my path? How do I pay my rent this month?