The shaded gray space in between.

Some might think I have multiple personalities calling my blog voices from within, okay I'll give you a little of that considering I'm a Gemini and we are suppose to have two personalities. But no the voices from within are my thoughts, the things that we all struggle with the proverbial angel vs. devil scenario. The good vs. bad, the black and white of things...I like to call it the shaded gray space in between.

So this unknown place in my mind in my heart in my soul is so full of things and thoughts right now that I'm not sure were to start. My ex of 4 years whom broke my heart 7 months ago, we'll call him (The PAST from now on) has left the states. He has gone over seas for his year orders to the middle east, and although I thought having him out of the country and Absolutely NO chance at running into him, the fact that he left without even a single GOOD BYE rocked my world a bit. Not sure why I wanted that band aid ripped off with a goodbye from him, I guess a big part of me wanted to believe that the 4 years we were together meant something more. Again I was wrong. Or it could be that in some strange way that I don't understand right now he actually was loving me and himself enough to not cause grief again by saying good bye. Could it be that?

Learning my steps in my program of recovery has taught me to let go and let god. Sometimes to be honest this is difficult because my codependent ways want me to control the world. Because of course in S's world everything would perfect. If ya all just listened to me, the world would be full of butterflies, fireflies, a lavender sky, green clouds with pink polka dots, and of course we would all be happy and healthy. But we don't live in S's world, we live in reality and in reality I am powerless over others actions, feelings, thoughts. And really it's so much easier that way.