You would have been 14.

It would have been Izabella's 14th birthday a few days ago. My mind and heart swirls around that thought process and what type of young woman she would have been. I can imagine that she would have been hard headed like a typical Taurus, focused on her passions and desires. Would she have been boy crazy? Or a tom boy focused on sports? Would we be close or argue as we enter the teen years. Would she be embarrassed by me or proud to call me her mum?

So tonight I sit and think about my beautiful daughter and what she would have been on the  month of the anniversary of her birth. I decided to stay home tonight and not go to my meeting, not sure how smart that is but I just don't have it in me to sit there and listen during a meeting. Maybe it is my depression who knows I just know that I decided to stay home.

I didn't really want to be alone but the lack of being in a relationship and having someone to call on just to come over and stare at the TV with me is quite highlighted in moments like this. *sighs* This too shall pass & make me stronger. One would think 14 years later it wouldn't hit me as hard every year. *sighs* But it does.

You would have been an amazing angel on earth, just as you are amazing angel in heaven. All my love.