Good Bye Yumminess

I know I have said it before that Yumminess and I are done, but this time well we are even done as friends. I deleted him from every contact option in my life, weel except the fact that I know where his company is located and that my mom has been and will continue to take her computer to him for years! But 6 years as friends has amounted to nothing to him, and well that is no longer an option to me in my life. So today I break the ties from yumminess for good. I delete, move on and enjoy all that the future may bring me. So Good Bye Yummines, I wish you the best always in life and PRAY that one day you don't wake up and realize how alone you are and all the time you have wasted.

The Truth of the Matter

I want a Boy Friend, which will eventually lead to a husband, and I would like this relationship to turn to a marriage within a eighteen months to two years from when we start dating.

Having recently listened to some information from Allison Armstrong about being honest when dating, figuring out my deal breakers, and stop dating ass backwards, I realized I need to be more truthful with myself and those I date.

So the truth of the matter is I want a BOY FRIEND and I don’t mean a short term relationship I mean in the long run I want a HUSBAND. So why am I dating men that are more short term situations? Why have I been thinking well its okay to date this guy right now even though I really want to be married? Not truthful or smart really.

Why am I ignoring what I TRULY want and ignoring my deal breakers for men who aren’t looking for the same thing as me? Why am I allowing them to effect me emotionally, mentally or physically? Why am I allowing myself to get attached to men who well they aren’t a partner for me?

I need to tell that biological part of me to be patient, to not get attached. I need to tell that clock that it needs to stop WANTING so badly and to realize that the right one is out there. I’m not at all say a CINDERELLA moment, or that I want a movie romance. No just a true honest to goodness REALTIONSHIP that will lead to marriage.

I need to be HONEST while dating. It’s important to me to get remarried, I would like the option to have children (even if that means adoption) if I decide I truly want them, I would like a man who is my best friend and provider. I would like to be a stay at home mom if children occur. It’s important that my future husband likes to and has a DESIRE to TRAVEL. I’d like us to have enough money to be comfortable enough to do this. I’d like to have a nice home, with a wrap around porch and a garden to grow in.

I know that I am physically attracted to Yumminess and M, but that is not enough and actually a very dangerous situation for what I am truly desiring in my life. Even The Past our situation was PURE chemistry and it would never have worked.

So I am going to be honest with myself and work on understanding men and how they communicate, interact and desire. I am going to remind myself that they are not Hairy Women and that I can’t communicate with them that way. I will attempt to remind myself that men don’t have the same biological desires and needs as women so. I will pinch myself when I realize I have fallen back into that back ASSWARDS way of thinking.

Happy Green Beer Day!!!

So yes its St. Pattys day!!! My girlies and I went out for dinner tonight and had some green beer, that SUCKED ass!! But the girl friend time and the time out was lots of fun, I'm not usually a crowd sorta person, but it ended up alright in the end.

M is still so busy with life, and its a shame really. Just like yumminess he doesn't realize what's in front of him, and by the time he does well it will be too late. *sighs* I'm tired of being that awesome woman that these men really like, but not awesome enough for them to want to make room in their life for me. *sighs* so I'm awesome just not awesome enough.

Dang that 4 leaf shamrock isn't bringing be luck after all. *sighs*

Swirling thoughts

My mind is swirling tonight. I don't know why I am feeling down tonight. I should be in bed, its almost 11 on the daylight savings and I know I will be tired tomorrow but my mind is swirling.

Its swirling around The Past and him being home and the possibility of running into him again. The fact that he has moved on and his life seems to be so great and perfect. While mine although its full and I'm doing all the things that I deserve in my life I'm alone and being alone sorta sucks at times.

So my mind is swirling tonight, its swirling about M and wondering why I wasn't good enough for him to want to actually DATE me! He says he really likes me and wants to but the first weekend that he has without the girls and he's out on a bike ride. He doesn't even make plans with me, blames it on his friend at first and then a forgotten bike ride. *sighs* So I'm done with the games, I'm an adult and deserve better. Still it sucks being alone. But being alone is better then being with someone who doesn't want me. *sighs*

So my mind is swirling over yumminess, and how his daughter is doing. My mind is swirling over the fact that he was sick last week, my mind is swirling over how much I miss his friendship.

So my mind is swirling over money and work. its swirling over a possible need to get a second job. Its swirling over MT and what he is asking me to do. Its swirling over not exercising as much as I should be and its swirling over the fact that my mind is swirling...so its swirling. *sighs*