How am I suppose to react?

I've gone on a few dates with Shannon and really seem to like him. We've been friends and talked online for over a year, when we met I really liked him, but the friendship was more important so we didn't pursue anything till the last month.

Recently though I have noticed that he is on the site everyday that we met on and it really bugs me. It makes me feel as though I am not worthy enough, that he's looking for someone better and I don't like that mind mess up. I don't know what to do or how to react, do I say something to him? Do I just say F it and move on? Do I just pretend it doesn't bother me? WHAT? I asked a male friend of mine what he would do if it was someone he was seeing and he didn't have any thoughts. *sighs* that makes it even worse for me because I don't know if I am over reacting or reacting normally. *UGH*

How are you suppose to react when you don't know if what you are feeling is genuine or just a your girlie emotions flaring out of control yet again.

Fairytales are just that tales!

Watching William & Kate on Lifetime this evening of course made me cry a little bit for such a Cinderella story, but what I found more interesting was the moment that Kate moved on from the initial breakup with William she became even more desirable to William. They say that you need to move on with your life so that the one you loved sees what is missing in their life.

I don't totally believe that, but the movie and the sentiment is nice. Its nice to see that it worked for Kate and in such a Princess story, but for us normal everyday woman it doesn't work that way. Men these days don't seem to see what they have lost even when its out of thier lives.

I don't believe in what movies, books or the happily ever after of fairy tales, but I do believe and know that I am incredible and that I deserve a man who wants to be with me not for just the great sex, but for my mind, smile, humor, intelligence and well just being ME!!! Real life is where you write your own story, so how do I meet someone that is my best friend and not trying to be my prince charming?

How do I get off the pages of the tales and back onto reality?

This new age....its different yet the same

I turned a year older this past week. I haven't been able to get use to this new age, everything seems so different being that much closer to the big four oh and yet its all the same. I'm still single, still struggling financially although doing a bit better on that end. Still childless and still trying to figure out what to do with my life.

So why does this new age seem so different? As if a year older I can be a new me, a new beginning, a new start to the chapter? Yet its all the same, so strange this year older, this new found understanding, this new maturity, this new acceptance from family, this new path to my life. All this from a change of an age, all this from a birthday.

This new age is different yet the same, comfortable yet unknown, exciting and profound. Its a new age after all and I'm going to treat it as just that me, new yet the same.

Can you really sue over consensual sex

So the Governator Arnold admitted this week that he had a thirteen year old son with his housekeeper, and his wife Maria not knowing until earlier this year. So now out of the woodwork comes all these other women who are now saying they had affairs, or sex with Arnold over the years. One of those women is named Gigi who is now being represented by Gloria Aldridch. According to Gigi her and the Governator would hook up every year during a competition that the Governator would put on. So my question is this....can you really sue someone when you've had consensual sex with them year after year? What could you possibly sue them for?

The Governator didn't rape her or do anything against her wishes, he had sex with an ABLE and WILLING ADULT female. Okay so he was married, but uh he's ARNOLD everyone knows he's married to MARIA, that's nothing he can hide. So Gigi had SEX willing with him and now she's gonna sue him? UHHHH WHY? and for what?

I've had consensual sex with plenty of men over the years, some of them I have later found out were married. Was I upset when I found out? Sure, but I never ONCE thought about suing them. *shaking head* I can't even imagine what I would SUE them over.

Is it when a person becomes a celebrity that all rationally towards that person and how people act towards them goes out the window? Or is it that celebrity's are really now people after all?

I met the AWESOME Jen Lancaster!!!

So this evening my girlie group and I met the AWESOME Jen Lancaster. I've enjoyed Jen's books and found then funny and enlightening. They have helped me to want to go back to Weight watchers and to losing weight. BUT it wasn't until hearing her speak tonight that I actually can say that I have a girl crush on her.

I've seen myself in so many of her books, but tonight I totally saw her living my life just in a different body, place and married. *smiles* Okay so not totally my life but close enough. She is funny, real and has become actually quite an inspiration to me. So I asked her this evening how does she keep from censoring herself while blogging. She said that you have to write for yourself and push through it. That those reading your blog will know and just be yourself and be truthful.

So here I am blogging and going to be open honest and not censor myself even though I know that people I know are reading you my dear blog, regardless all I can be is me and hope to be a by product of Jen in the future!!!

Squeeeelllll....I met Jen Lancaster!!!

I can hang shelves!

So a few months back I realized that I didn't really like the colors in my bedroom and wanted to re-decorate. I found an awesome bedspread set that I wanted and have gone from there. Its a pretty white spread with black thin outlined flowers and purple, teal, orange, fuchsia flowers. Its really pretty and has my favorite colors.

So one of the things I wanted to do was hang some hanging shelves in my bedroom above my bed. Well I hung them up with the hardware that came with it and they wouldn't sit right. I was so frustrated and irritated I didn't know what to do. So today I went to the hardware store and bought some decorative L brackets. I asked M to come help me but of course he was busy and his word from the day before that he would help meant nothing. SO!!! I hung them up myself. I pulled my electric drill out, level and go to work, once again I was reminded that I can do things myself and don't need a man to do it! It feels awesome to be able to do things for myself and not need a man to do it. Would it be nice if there was a man to do it? SURE! but there's not and I can do it myself.

Three more days and the girls and I leave for Vegas! I'm so excited, its going to be awesome!!! my favorite 5 girlies partying up and celebrating GP's 1st anniversary. It is going to be awesome!!! lots of drinking, laughter, craziness and hopefully no tigers in the bathroom. :)

Till then I can hang shelves and they are LEVEL!!!

I want her as my new BFF

Most of the time when I watch TV and especially reality TV I think to myself YEAH RIGHT! but watching Bethany Frankel's new show and tonight the season finale I think to myself RIGHT ON GIRL! She had the mind set, the struggles, the the determination and the strength to work towards a passion, goal and dream that many people, mostly men told her NO, now she is a successful business woman, a loving wife, mother and a positive role model for our young girls these days. Sure she is a little flaky and neurotic at times but really who isn't? She is dealing and working on her personal issues and sharing them with the world. Its amazing to me and I truly want to say that I want to be her BFF! Thank you Bethany for standing by your passions and succeeding.

He's Married!

Yep T is in fact married!!!
I started to have some feelings last week that something was off when I hadn't heard from him and did a little research, well I found out he had been placing ads for awhile, that he had in fact meet someone and slept with them just the week before we went out and then when he finally did contact me I flat out asked him and he said yes I'm married and my wife found out about you.

I trust my gut feelings a lot of times and I know when things are off so when I started having those feelings again about something on Monday and I finally realize that it was about him I knew he was married. So its back to the drawing board for dating.

Positive side though that Shannon and I finally met. We had lunch on Sat, and have plans for dinner on Tues. He's really nice and things seem to be going well. So we'll see.

I'm off to bed early tonight it was a buys weekend and an even busier day.

I thought I would have heard.

So my date on Thursday with T went amazingly well. I defiantly will be seeing him again or so I thought that evening as I drove away. Friday he had surgery which I knew about and knew he would probably be in pain this weekend and sleeping. But its now Monday and I still haven’t heard a peep from him since Friday afternoon telling me he had surgery. Nothing! Not a peep and I’m sorta reeling trying not to think the worse (like is he still married) I know he’s probably just dooped up and will contact me when he gets back to work tomorrow but still it would have been nice to hear from him.

I did hear from M this weekend, some of it my fault due to the drunk texting of Friday and some was him on Saturday. I don’t know why I can’t seem to get this guy out of my head. I was thinking its because he is comfortable and I know him, but shouldn’t’ that also want to make me SMILE? All it does to me these days is make me want to bash my head into the wall and scream “WHY”!!!!

Boy drama again….UGH!!! On a brighter note 18 days and counting till the girlies and I venture off to Vegas for our Girls weekend. I am so excited and stressed a bit about money. It will be a fun weekend and I’m excited about it! YEAH!!!

So I just have to get through the next 18 days then I’ll be soaking up the rays of Vegas, the booze, and not dwelling on who I would have heard from or not, I’ll be with the girlies!