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I realize I am in the acceptance stage of the separation.
But I’m also angry and sometimes sad. This week I have been angry with him and
angry with myself.
Angry at myself for going through with the marriage when I
knew better. Angry that I was so lonely and wanting to be married that I
settled AGAIN! Angry that I allowed myself to fall so below who I really am and
allowed him to just financially drain me. Angry that I really thought he loved
me. Angry at myself for still wanting to do the best for him and feeling guilty
for not paying his bills, which is just stupid as fuck of me. I’m just Angry!
But what I am realizing more than anything is that I am at
the stage that I ANGRY at him. I’m angry
that he took financial advantage of me for 2 years. That he didn’t really do
anything to try and help us get ahead. I’m angry that he didn’t comfort me or
even thank me for the struggles that I went through to get us ahead or even
just to stay a float. I didn’t have to struggle like that, we didn’t have to.
He could have done something to make money. He could have easily made money by
driving uber or something. I don’t know but the thing I’m angry at the most is
that he lied to me. He lied because he said it is easier than having a
confrontation. WTF! Seriously? So you lie because you couldn’t be honest in an
open marriage? STUPID!!!
The anger and the WTF thought are there, I read today”
acceptance doesn’t mean you don’t still have negative emotions about your
divorce. You may still feel some anger, there may still be sadness at the loss
of your marriage” I truly believe that is where I am and I am working on allowing
my life to move forward, I have to just allow myself to process through the
emotions.
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