loneliness

Loneliness seems to be overwhelming me at the moment. I'm not really sure why life is pretty good.

I've been really busy the past few months, work has picked up so I am back to working 5 days a week. This is nice because it keeps me on a schedule, out of the house and making money. The making money part helps to alleviate some of my worries, of having my bills paid.

I also started a woman's meetup group. Its been awesome and the past month it has just blown up. I'm pretty busy with the group, we have something going on every week. Between a monthly book discussion, game night and wine social, to outings to local monastery, brewery. spas, movie/brunch days. It's been a very positive and uplifting experience.

I celebrated a year in my program last month, it was strange because I was excited about having gotten to the one year mark at the same time mixed feelings, sort of to the point of not wanting to be there anymore. I'm just not happy in this part of my life for some reason. I feel like a lot of stress with the service work in my program and just not sure how I wish to proceed.

So my life has been really busy with things but to be honest I'm lonely and sad. I know that no man or woman for that manner will complete me, although it would be nice to have someone special in my life.

I'm not sure if finding out that The Past proposed to his GF last month has put me into a really bad spin or if its genuine feelings.

I do know that I am really missing Yumminess and wishing things were different between us, but in reality I know that this is how our realtionship is going to be. A distance of chemistry, and that really makes me sad. Yumminess is the one that I want to tell everything to, the good, the bad and the future. I'm realizing though that, its not a two way street and so I am having to reel myself in. I'm also realizing that Yumminess really doesn't know me as well as I would like him to, and not sure that he wants to know me that well.

So my loneliness is overwhelming at the moment, I would like someone special in my life. Someone that wants to romance me....but I am doubting that it will happen anytime soon.