I don't know why but I have this over whelming want to SCREAM, Punch, or just hurt someone. I'm not happy. I'm irritated by almost everyone in my life and I can seriously find a reason to be upset at everyone else.
I was looking through my phone this evening trying to figure out which program friend I would feel comfortable with reaching out to and trying to get some of this anger and hurt off my chest to. When I realized there isn't anyone, because they are the people that are annoying the crap out of me. For one reason or another I have allowed what others have said to me about their needs and feelings effect me and have angered me. I don't know why, and I can't get past it.
Here it is another Wednesday night, program meeting night and I don't want to go!!! I don't I don't I don't!! *stomping feet like a 4 year old throwing a tantrum* I know I have to as my service work has till October, but I don't want to and that to me is a shame.
It just feels as though everyone in my life is moving on in some capacity and mostly relationship wise. My friends are either meeting and getting into relationships or getting married and I feel like I'm in this sinking sand of nothingness.
The overwhelming want to be in a relationship to want someone to stand up and say NO SHE"S MINE! is so overwhelming painful at the moment. I don't know why I fool myself there has never been anyone that would do that for me. Its only found in movies and romance novels, giving young girls unrealistic thoughts of love.
I'm trying to be positive and understanding of yumminess and his need to heal and work on himself but the feeling of hopelessness and sadness as times is painful. I have this belief in my heart that he is the one for me and I feel that we could be something extraordinary together versus ordinary alone, if he just gave us a chance. *heavy sigh*
I'm just not happy and I know this! I just don't know how to pull myself out of that sinking sand of what is my life right now and feel sated and happy. I just GRRRRRR want to SCREAM!!!!
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