Red Red Wine!

Omgoodness last night I drank WAYYYYY too much of that delicious wonderful beverage called Red wine. My GF’s and I had a fun evening of food, watching the Royal Wedding, and LOTS of wine! So much so that I ended up drunk texting M and telling him something’s that in the morning day light I’m kicking my own ass about. *shaking head*

The night was fun and today I am yet again learning what I learn every time I eat too much, that Red Red wine leaves a rough rough hangover. Woke up this am with the room spinning and my stomach churning, I haven’t barfed that much in I don’t know long, and let me tell you red wine barf is never fun. *ugh*

So today I am recovering, I am up showered and waiting for my beautiful friend to come over and get me so I can pick up my car. Yes I was smart and didn’t drive home, no DUI for me.

Picking up a hung over body and attempting to do damage control from the drunk texting last night….red red wine the day after you’re not so sweet.

I'm having Ice Cream!

I haven’t been this excited about ice cream since I found out about the rocket pop. So T and I are meeting for ice cream this evening.

Originally we had dinner and a movie planed, but last minute this morning his boss came in informing him of an officer’s event he had to attend this evening. I was disappoint when he told me, but then he asked almost begged to come to my town and have ice cream with me, I kept asking why he’d want to do that, till my inner voice screamed at me and said “DUMMY this guy wants to meet you! He is doing everything you have wanted M or yumminess to do and you’re asking why?” Just say OK and meet him.

So ice cream tonight, I’m so excited. Could this finally be someone that I click with? Someone who sees the same things I do in life, someone who sees how amazing I really am? As excited as I am, not allowing myself to get my hopes to high because that fall when things are all that is really FAR down there!

Still I’m HAVING ICE CREAM tonight, with a real man, I’m as excited as a child on Christmas morning!!! Ice Cream Ice Cream let’s all SCREAM for ICE CREAM!

The quincenieta that never was

Today my beautiful little girl would have been 15, celebrating her quincenieta . As I write this I pray that the party they are throwing for her in heaven is as wonderful as I can imagine it would have been here on earth.

I've been emotional the past few days as this day came closer but this morning I woke up in a good mood and excited about the day. Maybe she was smiling on me with hugs and sun rays, sending me her birthday wishes as sweet as can be.

Reality TV

People say that reality TV is not real, that it's staged. Well let me tell you I have watched a lot of the reality shows (my TV is on when I'm home mostly for background noise) and people are really that crazy.

I've been watching this new show on Tru TV called All worked up. It shows people doing their jobs honestly and people that freak out on them. Jobs like Repo men, Bail Bonds men, meter maids and Process servers, these are honest jobs that people actually have to do. You would think that those types of jobs wouldn't be that dangerous but SHIT they are, and people flip out!! Its sorta funny that people that break the law, don't pay their bills, or what not get so upset when they get caught as though they are they victim. Sure it sucks to get a parking ticket but I don't throw ice cream and the meter maid or spit on the process server. Its not their fault they are only doing their JOB!!! Sometimes I want to say the same damn thing to my sub contractors and admin peeps who scream and get so upset at me when I ask for needed paperwork from them. I'm only doing my job!!! Sheesh

So M called me a B*&$@H last night via text. I couldn't believe it, I got really hurt and upset. I told him when we first met the only thing I ask a man to never call me is that. You can call me anything else but that I can't handle. For 11 years of my marriage my ex thought it was my name and it just stings and brings back those memories. So to have M call me this last night it REALLY REALLY hurt. To think that I had told him this before and that it obviously wasn't important enough for him to remember I think hurt more than anything. He apologized but it just didn't seem genuine, I had hoped that he would actually attempt to smooth things over and show me how sorry he was, but NOPE!!! That only happens on TV, or should I say in non-reality shows.

Ear Plugs

I'm a lite sleeper, rarely and I do mean rarely can I fall asleep without ear plugs. I guess its when I'm really drunk and or really really tired, but for the most part I sleep with ear plugs.

They can be found everywhere in my bedroom, on the nite stands, in the bed, floor, even in this little brown ceramic bowl I have for them. So you would think that knowing that I can't sleep without them that when I turn off the light at night I would naturally put them in. HA!! I find myself for some reason more often than not at nite I tend to roll over and not put them in. What's funny is I lay there listening to the fan go round and round, or the rooster outside thinking in my head "PUT YOUR EAR PLUGS IN".

I lay there for what seems like an eternity not wanting to roll over and reach for the peace and quite that would come from two tiny little green foam plugs, that is till I can't stand it anymore and I absolutely have to at which point my brain screams in my head AWWWW PEACE AND QUITE as I drown off to la la land.

Ear Plugs, its really a simplicity of life and a necessity to a good nights sleep. So why don't I just stick em in right when I turn the lights off? AWWW maybe one night I'll learn! Till then I guess I'll have my brain continue to yell at me each night.

Memoirs of my life.

I recently started reading the memiors of Jen Lancaster, Bitter is the new Black, and currently reading Such A Pretty Fat. As I'm reading her I realize ya know what I am missing out on blogging about SOOOOO many opportunities in my life because I'm concerned about who might read it. And I thought are you crazy?

So starting today I am going to be once again more open about my writing....and I'm seriously going to start writing about the craziness of my dating world. I am stunned daily by MEN and the craziness of it all. I'm serious sometimes I sit back and think REALLY did that just happen to me? *shaking head* CRAZINESS I tell ya!

Speaking of craziness....so my gf A met a guy off Craigs List (Hey don't knock it, I've met a lot of good people off that site) Anyhow so A chats this guy up for a little bit and then they decide to go out. Now take into consideration that they live about 45 mins from each other...he lives in the northern part of the county and she in the eastern part. So it's a bit of a trek to hook up. Anyhow so they go out, they have a great time and they make plans for another date, they go out again and everything is going well. So then he tells her that his son was in an accident and that he has to go to Tampa for his sons surgery. She asks when he's leaving and he kinds gives her the run around, etc. he finally makes his reservations and then doesn't have anyone to take him to the airport, so she offers. She goes up on a friday night, they go out to dinner she stays over hangs out during the day Sat then takes him to the Airport on Sat.

So anyhow during the say Sat. he has place the itenery next to her purse at one point she is in her purses looks up and notices that the itenery says New Orleans. So she asks him, saying I thought you were going to Tampa, and he gives her some BS story about a layover. BUT a layover for a WEEK!!! Anyhow so she takes him to the airport and goes home, she tells her sister the story and her sister said well does he have Facebook? my GF A says well he said he doesn't use it.

BINGO Facebook tells ya SOOOOOOO much about someone, I advise you right now of two things if you're trying to cheat, lie or manipulate someone, 1. keep your FB PRIVATE 2. don't accept anyone you don't know 3. Don't accept someone you're dating till you know you want them as a partner, etc.

So A finds his Facebook and the JACKASS (yes I said JACKASS) is going to gulfport, MI to meet the most beuatiful woman in the world, WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MARRIED!!! and he's posting all this crap on his FACEBOOK! Are you STUPID!!! First of all dude seriously, make your shit private. Secondly, REALLY REALLY? You're going to post that you're so happy and with the most beautiful woman in the world, while you're fucking an innocent girl back in town? NICE!! See men are seriously CRAZY!!! Personally me I would have texted his ass and gone off, or sent an email or something to the women on his FB page. *smiles* Hey we're still debating it, KARMA's a bitch, and especially bad when you've screwed a woman over.

Seriously CRAZINESS!!! And men wonder why we don't trust em. DUH!!!

Today.

The anniversary of my daughters 15th birthday is coming up and as the day gets closer the more I think about my life and what’s missing in it. The more I think about the choices, paths and turns I have taken, the closer it gets the more that I realize how alone I really am and the more that I miss having someone special in my life. The more I miss him. Moving on by Rascal Flatts came on my Pandora at work while I was thinking about all this and the song although it use to bring me such comfort for moving ahead in life, lately its brought me down and back to a time that sometimes I think I was happier. We’re not meant to be alone!; a friend of mine told me late last night, that one day my one will find me. Well couldn’t they hurry it up? *smiles* Because this loneliness seems a bit overwhelming at the moment, and to me honest I might actually be happy with just a right now sort of man/relationship, but really how healthy is that and in the end will I not feel worse about myself? Or my heart wondering why? The soul needs to be stroked, and embraced as the body does, our mental well being needs this to function and be happy. I’m not referring to the orgasmic release or crisis as D.H. Lawrence refers to it in Lady Chatterley’s Lover that the act of sex brings. No I’m referring to that connection between a couple, the after orgasm part. The bonding, the snuggling, the hug, the holding of hands…the physical ness of someone who generally cares and is connected to your being. So the voices inside my head are arguing about it all reminding me that this too shall pass and that in the end I am happier and fulfilled alone. While the romantic is screaming but I’d like someone to care about me…to hold me…to kiss me. Sometimes I really wish they would shut up! But that dreadful day looms closer and closer this year as it does every year and with it brings the thoughts of what if, why not, why me, and the reminder of the choices, paths and decisions I have made to bring me to today.

Nights like this

I know better than to stay home all day and not get out and get some sun, because when I do that I get really depressed and lonely. So tonight I am really sad and wishing I had a special someone in my life. Its these times and moments in my life that I really feel alone, yes I have my GF's and they are awesome, but there are times like tonight that I really wish I had someone special to just confide in, snuggle up next to and just know that I'm wanted and cared for. *sighs* I don't understand how someone can go for years without having someone special in their lives. Its so depressing not only physically but emotionally and to ones soul.

I realized tonight that its been months since I was with someone intimately and I'm craving it. No not really craving the sex part, but someone to kiss, hug, hold and confide in. But I also know that I don't want just anyone. I want someone who is going to be there and want to be with me. *sighs*

So tonight my thoughts wander towards to two special men that I felt close to and had really hoped something more would come of it. No not ThePast....but especially one who I miss terribly and wish that things where different between us. It really sucks to miss my friend and wish we could friends again. I miss that.

So tomorrow I'll make sure that I get out in the sun get some natural Vitamin D and hopefully be shaken out of this loneliness.

April Showers

Well it hasn't really rained much in April, but I was in snow last weekend. My GF J and I decided to hold our camping spot and actually brave the weather and go camping. So Saturday am we loaded up the car with all the camping gear, wood and us. Drove up to the Julian area, set up camp and had a great time, until we had to go to bed. The ground was so cold from the snow and rain that we actually decided at 10pm to tear down and head home. We got home around midnight and both fell dead to sleep. J was such a trooper to come home I had a bad chest cold and she was worried that it would get worse, which it did a little bit as I took Monday off work. Finally here it is Thursday and I have told my cold to go away and it seems to be obeying!

I'm excited for the weekend, I really have nothing planned except a night out with the girls and suppose to do a 5K Sat am but not sure I'm going to get to it, I need some sleep.

So life is pretty good right now. The date I went on a few weeks ago didn't go anywhere. He was quite strange and had big ears. Plus I found out that he had gone on a date with another GF of mine like 2 weeks before and that just caused a bit of an issue for me. He was quite a bit of Drama. So well NEXT!!! lol strange thing is he called me weird to my GF because I told him I didn't appreciate his sexual innuendos on text. Its sorta funny in away, not even sure why I went on a date with him. I'm missing M terribly and wish he would ask me out again. *sighs*

But my cold is gone its almost Friday and the weekend is almost here!!! So bring on those April Showers so May can blow full of Flowers!!!