Just one unscrambled egg!

I sometimes wonder how I can have feelings for one person yet date others. *sighs* I know that I care about M but I also know that we aren’t together and I have to live my life. Okay I know all this mentally but sometimes emotionally it gets all confuzzled.

Last weekend I meet a guy Charlie (yes that’s a new name to date for me) *smiles* Anyhow Charlie meet me at a CC event I attended and was every bit the gentleman. Paid for a few drinks, asked if he could kiss me, held the doors open, held my hand when we walked over to Denny’s, kissed me good bye. It was nice, and I really enjoyed kissing him. Sat comes around he texts me through out the day, asks me to dinner and a movie for Sunday, I asked if he wanted to attend that evenings pool party for CC. Things seemed to be going well.

TILL….wait for it…

He texts me stating that he’s still married, they are legally separated, he has 3 boys and that if that is bottom line for me he totally understands. The difference between him and M was that he actually MADE time and made it a point to tell me that although he is active with his boy’s baseball and sports, that he makes time for the woman he is dating. So although he was still married and dating a married man is a sensitive issue for me, I decide to move forward and see where things may go.

At the pool party Sat evening we get to know each other better, he tells me about his wife, his ex GF (I should have thought that was a flag, instead of the wife) and just confides in me. Well I warn him as I do any man who I am thinking of dating, that I have some issues such as I tend to be insecure in relationships till I trust the person, that I get needy, and jealous at times. Well he didn’t ask me to expand and I didn’t think much about it. I guess I live by the theory that if I was a man I would appreciate a woman who is open and honest up front about her flaws, then someone who I date for a few months and find out on my own that she’s psycho.

BUT NOPE…wait for it…

Everything seems fine, he comes to my home after the party we talk a bit more, then it gets awkward and he leaves. He kisses me good night. The next morning I wake up to an email from him telling me how awesome I am, smart, sexy, amazing. But that the jealousy and needy parts that I mentioned the night before makes him think we aren’t a good match. I thought to myself REALLY, You’re going to do it this way, on email? How assholey is that? I texted him and said that, then told him good luck. You’d think that was the end of it…but NO!!!

He still texts, and now thinks that we should sleep together. UHH WHAT? Really where do men think that I am going to spread my legs for them? If I’m not good enough to date WHY OH WHY am I good enough to fuck? Seriously? OH *rolling eyes* I forgot they think with the penis.

I am grateful that he decided we weren’t a good fit. Since that email I have seen other sides of him that cause me to shake my head thinking really? Dude you need some HELP and FAST. For example, he’s still in love with his ex gf, and always will be, he freely admits this. He’s ego’s so LARGE, I am surprisedit allows him to get through the door at times and he’s very materialistic. I know you’re probably thinking dear blog that I am only saying this because he rejected me, but its not, its realizing and seeing beyond that first twinge of attraction.

The funny thing is that Charlie wants to remain friends. I have explained to him that to remain friends with him we can not talk sexual, he can not send me pictures of his body and if we did hang out he could NOT kiss me. He doesn’t understand this. I think he thinks that because I am a larger woman that I can’t get a man to have sex with. OH contraire my dear I can get laid very easily, the problem is who will I WANT to get laid by?

I suppose the lesson in this dating scene once again is don’t put all your eggs in one basket, get to know someone before you think they might be dating material, and realize that we all are a bit of cracked eggs. *sighs* Can I meet just one that’s not so scrambled inside?