So calling someone home is a bad thing. *sighs*

I try to write honestly about what’s going in my life, I try to verbalize nicely what I am feeling, and I try to do it in a way that well just is me. But I’m learning that maybe just maybe I shouldn’t be honest at all.

It’s been a difficult 8 days. After not feeling well for a few weeks I made a doctor’s appointment, last week. Come to find out that I have been fostering a bacterial infection, UGH!!! It’s been so painful now 7^th day on the meds and I feel really emotional and fragile. To top it off today L.A.~ T tells me that his ex wife is going to be moving into his condo for three months while she gets back on her feet. Talk about a wrench being thrown into the already confusion and emotions about him and me. So we have decided to be friends, whatever that means. There is anger, and mistrust and hurt feelings, and to tell you dear blog the truth not really sure what I’m feeling. But tomorrow is a new day and when the sun rises so will I am the dread will go away.

Last night after a month of no communication with M, I broke down and texted him yesterday. I’m not really sure why, it’s not like I needed him or that L.A.~T and I were going along badly. I guess I was more curious, my calendar told me it had been a month and I was I suppose disappointed that he hadn’t texted me first. The entire text conversation was strange. He had said a few things that caught me off guard and I didn’t quite understand till I got home that evening and re-read my blog. I just sighed to myself and thought really? REALLY you’re going to read into my words instead of asking me what is going in my life. You’re going to take a compliment that I wrote about you as an insult and throw it back in my face? It sat wrong with me and actually hurt my feelings. I like M, I always have I like him a lot and the comfortable feeling I get being with him makes me feel safe. Why is him feeling like home an insult?

So tonight my emotions are all over the place and my reaction is to ask M to come over, but I don’t because he’ll think that I’m using him and I know how I don’t like that feeling, I don’t want to make anyone I care about feel that way. So I’ll remind myself that one day someone will want to be there for me, to hold me on the nights that the day seemed to hold nightmares.