How do you know when your racist vs. a judgmental bitch?

The past few years I have worked in the east part of SD that use to be a predominately “white” community. Working the construction field you hear a lot of cussing and when a black man became president omgoodness you’d think that the end of the world was around the corner. The racial slurs flew, and now that EC has been taken over by predominately RUDE Chaldeans it’s even worse.

Do get me wrong I have said plenty of my own slurs about black people but mostly Mexicans and Middle Easterns. But at what point are you considered a racist and not just judgmental? I recently met a  very dominate BBW female who is attracted to black men. She found me very racist and it made me start thinking that am I or am I just a closed minded, judgmental bitch?

So I told myself to start on a path to find out what I am. I asked M to help me and she suggested that I start with reading Maclom X’s story. So I started and then I went to Vegas and I stopped. *sighs* I need to get back to it.

Anyhow the other day M and I were having an email conversation about language and about how I recently have opened myself up to thinking about dating a black man.  Throughout the email she pointed out my language and it made me realize that people could view the way I say things as racist unintentionally.  I didn't think that I judged people so much on their race but as in characteristics that I see people doing, regardless of color. Trust me there are some slimy white people out there that I want nothing to do with.  

Its not that I judge a person on their skin color I've realized its that I judge them in groups and what I think they are, like the black rapper/drug lord int he run down apartments, or the white trashed out druggie in the park, or the dirty, cigarette smoking whore on the corner. Its the experiences that I judge and whom I think the person is, it just seems to sometimes to wrapped in a skin color. 

So last night I went on a wonderful date with a handsome black, man we'll call him CMS for Chocolate Milk Surprise. CMS was articulate, well read, seasoned, handsome, a true gentleman. During the conversation he asked why I had never been with a black man as I proceeded to explain my "racism" and judgmental path pf discovery I learned that its not that I am a racist but my lack of experiences with people of color. 

So instead of putting myself down thinking that I am a racist I am going to surround myself with people of difference from myself, be it color, beliefs, or sexual preferences. Instead of grouping people into a box because of color, where they live, or what not, I'm going to take the time learn about the person before forming an opinion. After all the only way to have the world a peaceful loving place is to walk in someone's shoes and since we can't do that the next best thing is to learn about what's worn their soles down.