Too big for society, too small for BBW's

What happens when you are to big by societies standards, but too small by the BBW world?

Recently I attended a BBW Bash in Vegas. I had been told that this was the bash of all bashes to go to. Its Vegas after all why wouldn't I believe them. I went alone none of my close GF's from SD came with me but I thought I'm cool I travel alone all the time. Plus I was meeting people I had meet at the SD bash just a few months earlier. 

Everything started out well. It was just like the SD bash only MORE people and people from all over the world. The thing I noticed though is that it was the same people for the most part. I felt like an outsider, which from a writers view is good but from a woman who just wanted to get away from the stresses of work, deadlines, family and friends and just PARTY it was a bit discouraging. 

People were friendly for the most part, but as I had witnessed in SD, there where cliques and lots of them. It wasn't as easy as I thought it might be to just go up to someone and saying hi I'm so and so and conversation start flowing. Conversation to even get to know someone seemed almost impossible, it seemed very surface, water cooler talk. Being the curious, nosy writer that I am I crave answer to questions most people don't ask when first meeting someone. I like depth, where have you traveled, what are your passions, your fears, your desires, what drives you. Alas there was not many of those types of conversations if any. 

The weekend went well, I came home with mixed feelings. Excited to attend the next years event, with trepidation and is it really where I desire to be. Is the BBW world really were I wish to pursue friends? Is knowing that some these women are so unhappy with themselves that they just eat and eat and eat to not address the real issues. Is it the culture that I want to put my energy and precious time into. I don't know. 

I do know that my journey to find my best  friend, lover & Hero will most likely not be a result of attending these events or bashes. Sure there are men that attend the events, but what I have found is that the FA's are attracted to the LARGER, or as they call them in the BBW culture, the SSBBW's. I'm not willing to gain wait to try and meet a man who the moment I want to lose weight leaves. Nor am I willing to change who I am to please someone else. They either accept me for me, mind body and soul as I would them or well alas we are not meant to me. 

So where does a woman size 22 who is to Fat in societies idea of the perfect woman, and too small to the BBW's culture of attractive go to meet a man? When you figure that let me know, cause I'd like to go there.