Tick Tock Tick Tock

My Biological clock is ticking…and has been strongly lately. Why? I have always just accepted that I will remain childless my life but lately I have been thinking all sorts of wild things. From getting pregnant by yumminess and being a single mom, to adopting, to being a foster parent. For some reason the need to have a child in my life lately has gotten so strong that sometimes it hurts. What is going on with me?

I’ve actually woken up the past few mornings with a sickly stomach, and this morning though wait am I pregnant? Wouldn’t that mean I would have to be having sex? Well okay let me rephrase that cause ya know I’m having sex. Wouldn’t I need to be having sex with someone and not using a. a condom or b. they have been fixed? Just saying I think there has to be some mix of something from a male to get pregnant. *laughs*

Maybe I am just at the ripe old age of 38 that I am hearing that tick tock tick tock STRONGLY!!! That I am causing my own upset morning stomach, or maybe its that I am working on my PCOS and health that the thought of losing weight is so overwhelming that sometimes I don’t know what to do with myself. Or maybe and this is such a 16 and pregnant thought/moment, maybe I just think that a baby would love me unconditionally…well at least till it’s a teenager. *smiles*

Whatever it is…the tick tock tick tock is driving me a bit batty, could someone please pull the plug on the grandfather clock already?

I don't stock pile Bi women!

Why is it that when a guy finds out that I am Bi sexual the first thing his mind goes to is a three some, and assumes that I just know all these Bi women who would JUMP to have a sexual experience with them.

UHHH NO! it doesn't work that way. I don't have stock pile of bi women, and even if I did most bi women are one men type of women and don't want to be involved in three somes I don't disagree with them.

A bi woman's relationship is deeper at least in my experience and isn't like the swingers world. *sighs* So no my closet is not my own personal stock pile of bi women willing to fuck you. Sheesh!

How does one

M is back in the picture and how do I just let him go? I told him about T and what happened and how guilty I felt about the entire situation. I feel even worse now for telling him that, but I have every right to date anyone I want and sleep with them if I really want to, we aren't together. So if I'm free to do this, why oh why do I feel guilty about it?

I feel a bit of M opening up to me, but at the same time I feel like he's still so scared and I don't mean anything. *sighs*

How am I suppose to react?

I've gone on a few dates with Shannon and really seem to like him. We've been friends and talked online for over a year, when we met I really liked him, but the friendship was more important so we didn't pursue anything till the last month.

Recently though I have noticed that he is on the site everyday that we met on and it really bugs me. It makes me feel as though I am not worthy enough, that he's looking for someone better and I don't like that mind mess up. I don't know what to do or how to react, do I say something to him? Do I just say F it and move on? Do I just pretend it doesn't bother me? WHAT? I asked a male friend of mine what he would do if it was someone he was seeing and he didn't have any thoughts. *sighs* that makes it even worse for me because I don't know if I am over reacting or reacting normally. *UGH*

How are you suppose to react when you don't know if what you are feeling is genuine or just a your girlie emotions flaring out of control yet again.

Fairytales are just that tales!

Watching William & Kate on Lifetime this evening of course made me cry a little bit for such a Cinderella story, but what I found more interesting was the moment that Kate moved on from the initial breakup with William she became even more desirable to William. They say that you need to move on with your life so that the one you loved sees what is missing in their life.

I don't totally believe that, but the movie and the sentiment is nice. Its nice to see that it worked for Kate and in such a Princess story, but for us normal everyday woman it doesn't work that way. Men these days don't seem to see what they have lost even when its out of thier lives.

I don't believe in what movies, books or the happily ever after of fairy tales, but I do believe and know that I am incredible and that I deserve a man who wants to be with me not for just the great sex, but for my mind, smile, humor, intelligence and well just being ME!!! Real life is where you write your own story, so how do I meet someone that is my best friend and not trying to be my prince charming?

How do I get off the pages of the tales and back onto reality?

This new age....its different yet the same

I turned a year older this past week. I haven't been able to get use to this new age, everything seems so different being that much closer to the big four oh and yet its all the same. I'm still single, still struggling financially although doing a bit better on that end. Still childless and still trying to figure out what to do with my life.

So why does this new age seem so different? As if a year older I can be a new me, a new beginning, a new start to the chapter? Yet its all the same, so strange this year older, this new found understanding, this new maturity, this new acceptance from family, this new path to my life. All this from a change of an age, all this from a birthday.

This new age is different yet the same, comfortable yet unknown, exciting and profound. Its a new age after all and I'm going to treat it as just that me, new yet the same.

Can you really sue over consensual sex

So the Governator Arnold admitted this week that he had a thirteen year old son with his housekeeper, and his wife Maria not knowing until earlier this year. So now out of the woodwork comes all these other women who are now saying they had affairs, or sex with Arnold over the years. One of those women is named Gigi who is now being represented by Gloria Aldridch. According to Gigi her and the Governator would hook up every year during a competition that the Governator would put on. So my question is this....can you really sue someone when you've had consensual sex with them year after year? What could you possibly sue them for?

The Governator didn't rape her or do anything against her wishes, he had sex with an ABLE and WILLING ADULT female. Okay so he was married, but uh he's ARNOLD everyone knows he's married to MARIA, that's nothing he can hide. So Gigi had SEX willing with him and now she's gonna sue him? UHHHH WHY? and for what?

I've had consensual sex with plenty of men over the years, some of them I have later found out were married. Was I upset when I found out? Sure, but I never ONCE thought about suing them. *shaking head* I can't even imagine what I would SUE them over.

Is it when a person becomes a celebrity that all rationally towards that person and how people act towards them goes out the window? Or is it that celebrity's are really now people after all?