Its funny I have like three other blog topics I want to write about and none of them are calling to me right now. Nope right now I'm sad, disappointed and doing everything in my power to not reach for something bad to eat.
I was suppose to have a date tonight. He seemed really interested in me, but 15 mins. before we were suppose to meet at a local Italian restaurant I get a text from him saying he isn't gonna be able to make it that he got called back into work. No sure why I'm sad about it, I told myself not to have any expectations on this date to just go and have fun. I guess its just first dates the unknown the unexpected that what could happen the nervous butterflies, that mixed with I think I look pretty damn cute tonight. *shrugs* oh well! If its meant to be it will be.
I guess I should be happy that he at least texted and called to try and explain, instead of just standing me up. One day my mate will come along, and who knows what the future holds with Saltnpepper, tonight just wasn't the night for us to meet.
UPDATE!!! So saltnpeppa called and told me that he lives in Washington State, that he's in the military and here for a few weeks. So of course anything long term would not be possible. So now what do I do? I have no idea!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Movie 6- One Day!..and other stuff!
Now I need to premises that I read this book in my book club in 2010, and I enjoyed the book, but many of the girlies in my group didn’t. So I was semi excited about the movie. Here’s the thing if you haven’t read the book, the movie is very hit and miss, you don’t understand the idea behind it and really there is no back story of course I say that about every movie made from a book, you don’t get the real dirtiness of the story in a movie. But it was a movie nevertheless. I’m going to see two of the Oscar nominated best picture movies tonight, War Horse and The Artist.
In different news, my diet/exercising is going so so. I think I am going to join Crunch gym, I’m not sure still sorta partial to 24 hour and 24 has a lot more hours and classes. But I like that AV goes to Crunch and I see myself working out more with her than anyone. So we will see, we’re going to do the 6am class tomorrow. (I’ll let you know how that goes) I realized last night that I really have to kick it up, that is it’s important enough I’ll do it and losing weight looking hot by next December is important to me. I have to hang that damn seat belt up as a reminder!!
Let’s see what else. M and I emailed a little bit the other day. It was nice to hear from him but was a reminder to not contact ex’s this year. I just smile to myself how silly I was to believe him back in November when he said he was making changes this year for himself and to allow someone into his life. I sillily assumed it would be me, but again watch actions of someone and you’ll know the truth. Actions speak louder than words. It’s a shame really, but if it’s IMPORTANT enough for them they’ll make the time. Just like I have to make the time to work out!! Funny how its all full circle. *smiles*
In different news, my diet/exercising is going so so. I think I am going to join Crunch gym, I’m not sure still sorta partial to 24 hour and 24 has a lot more hours and classes. But I like that AV goes to Crunch and I see myself working out more with her than anyone. So we will see, we’re going to do the 6am class tomorrow. (I’ll let you know how that goes) I realized last night that I really have to kick it up, that is it’s important enough I’ll do it and losing weight looking hot by next December is important to me. I have to hang that damn seat belt up as a reminder!!
Let’s see what else. M and I emailed a little bit the other day. It was nice to hear from him but was a reminder to not contact ex’s this year. I just smile to myself how silly I was to believe him back in November when he said he was making changes this year for himself and to allow someone into his life. I sillily assumed it would be me, but again watch actions of someone and you’ll know the truth. Actions speak louder than words. It’s a shame really, but if it’s IMPORTANT enough for them they’ll make the time. Just like I have to make the time to work out!! Funny how its all full circle. *smiles*
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Unanswered Prayers
My GF Jess recently told me that she’s been listening to Garth Brooks “unanswered prayers” a lot lately and relates to it because of her ex that she broke up with a few months ago after an on and off for 8 years. It’s hard for any length of time of a break up but 8 years seems like forever. Two months later she is still missing him and at times wants to contact her, I try to help her stay strong and remind her that she will always miss him, but that 4 years from now it should be easier (they say ½ the time you were together it takes to heal).
But it got me thinking and I listened to the song again. I remember the feeling when The Past and I broke up that life would NEVER move on, that I would always be in pain. I remember praying to my HP to just have The Past come back to me, to realize that he loved me. I remember getting mad at my HP for not answering my prayers.
Fast forward almost 4 years later and I realized that if my HP had answered those prayers I wouldn’t have grown spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically. I would never have created GP, or met all the amazing women in the group. I would never have understood the power or dynamics in my family, and would have lived me life with a man who didn’t love me the way that I deserve to be loved.
Am I ungrateful for the time I had with The Past? No, because I needed that time to understand my life today. Would I ask to not have gone through the pain I did during the break up? Ask me that 4 years ago and I would have HOLLERD YES!!! But today no I’m grateful for the pain, the healing, the understanding, acceptance of the truth.
I still miss the friend I had in The Past at times, but I know that my HP has a higher plan for me and a partner that is truly everything he is suppose to be for me, just as I am everything I am suppose to be for him.
Thank heavens for unanswered prayers!
But it got me thinking and I listened to the song again. I remember the feeling when The Past and I broke up that life would NEVER move on, that I would always be in pain. I remember praying to my HP to just have The Past come back to me, to realize that he loved me. I remember getting mad at my HP for not answering my prayers.
Fast forward almost 4 years later and I realized that if my HP had answered those prayers I wouldn’t have grown spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically. I would never have created GP, or met all the amazing women in the group. I would never have understood the power or dynamics in my family, and would have lived me life with a man who didn’t love me the way that I deserve to be loved.
Am I ungrateful for the time I had with The Past? No, because I needed that time to understand my life today. Would I ask to not have gone through the pain I did during the break up? Ask me that 4 years ago and I would have HOLLERD YES!!! But today no I’m grateful for the pain, the healing, the understanding, acceptance of the truth.
I still miss the friend I had in The Past at times, but I know that my HP has a higher plan for me and a partner that is truly everything he is suppose to be for me, just as I am everything I am suppose to be for him.
Thank heavens for unanswered prayers!
Book #1, and Movies, 2,3,4 & 5!!!
The 50/50 challenge is not as easy as one would thing. Alas this past weekend I knocked three more movies out and then last night enjoyed a 4th. That’s 5 movies down only 45, and 49 books. roh roh!!!
Let’s start with the book. This month’s book discussions for my woman’s group is “The 19th wife” let me just say AMAZING!! Although a fictional historical book it truly was informative and enjoyable. I kept turning the pages wanting to know more and more about the Mormon/Later Day Saints/First beliefs. Learning about how their faith started, how people followed and what life was like back in the 1800’s was a real page turner. I’m now stuck on wanting to learn more and more about Bringham Young and his 19th wife Elizabeth Webb. At 28 she wed Bringham who was 65, I can’t even imagine, but it was interesting the dynamics of the book. I can’t wait to discuss is with the girls and see their impressions, I can see it will be a heated discussion.
I’m still struggling through Shantrum so hopefully that will be my next book down. *cross your fingers*
49 more books!!
Movies are always easier, you can enjoy them with others, have it on in the background while doing just about anything around the house, or on a rainy weekend. This was what I did this past weekend, while enjoying some much needed kiddie time with my god daughter and best girl friend.
We started the morning with Mr. Poppers Penguins. What
a wonderfully warm and fun movie. I think penguins maybe my new favorite animal, right after hippos, although Jess might have something else to say about that. So Mr. P’s Penguins consisted of a divorced father whose children blame him for the divorce and really don’t want to spend the weekends with him. Until his deceased father wills him penguins. (Of course wouldn’t you want to hang with penguins? I WOULD) various cute antics occur from the penguins and trying to keep the penguins away from the zoo’s catcher who wants to separate them and pawn them out. In the end all is good, and they lived happily ever after.
While the little one napped we watched Abduction with Taylor Launter. It was a suspenseful movie, enjoyable a bit predictable but over a good movie. I thought a few parts of the movie made you want to say “REALLY?” like beating the crap out of your son because he got drunk. As you watched you understood why in the end, but still REALLY? *smiles*
We then popped Glee the movie in.
Let’s start with the book. This month’s book discussions for my woman’s group is “The 19th wife” let me just say AMAZING!! Although a fictional historical book it truly was informative and enjoyable. I kept turning the pages wanting to know more and more about the Mormon/Later Day Saints/First beliefs. Learning about how their faith started, how people followed and what life was like back in the 1800’s was a real page turner. I’m now stuck on wanting to learn more and more about Bringham Young and his 19th wife Elizabeth Webb. At 28 she wed Bringham who was 65, I can’t even imagine, but it was interesting the dynamics of the book. I can’t wait to discuss is with the girls and see their impressions, I can see it will be a heated discussion. I’m still struggling through Shantrum so hopefully that will be my next book down. *cross your fingers*
49 more books!!
Movies are always easier, you can enjoy them with others, have it on in the background while doing just about anything around the house, or on a rainy weekend. This was what I did this past weekend, while enjoying some much needed kiddie time with my god daughter and best girl friend.
We started the morning with Mr. Poppers Penguins. What
a wonderfully warm and fun movie. I think penguins maybe my new favorite animal, right after hippos, although Jess might have something else to say about that. So Mr. P’s Penguins consisted of a divorced father whose children blame him for the divorce and really don’t want to spend the weekends with him. Until his deceased father wills him penguins. (Of course wouldn’t you want to hang with penguins? I WOULD) various cute antics occur from the penguins and trying to keep the penguins away from the zoo’s catcher who wants to separate them and pawn them out. In the end all is good, and they lived happily ever after.
While the little one napped we watched Abduction with Taylor Launter. It was a suspenseful movie, enjoyable a bit predictable but over a good movie. I thought a few parts of the movie made you want to say “REALLY?” like beating the crap out of your son because he got drunk. As you watched you understood why in the end, but still REALLY? *smiles* We then popped Glee the movie in.
My GF has never seen or gotten into Glee so it was fun to explain to her who was who. I’m definitely glad that I didn’t waste money and see it in the theater. It was a concert on film, I thought they could have done better songs and the concert seemed to be quite lacking to me. I did like the additional little stories on fans that added depth to the movie. Over all it was a ½ thumb up.
With the wet weather continuing into the early week, a friend and I decided to snuggle up with a movie at my house. He choose Punk Drunk Love from the unseen movies in my cabinet. Let me just say we both kept looking at each other saying what is going on? It definitely was one of those movies that at the end you say HUH? My friend laughed and said well now we know why it was in the $1 bin. I was quite saddened for an Adam Sandler movie, I suppose they can’t all be winners.
So 45 more movies!!
My goal between now and the Oscars is the watch all the Oscar nominated movies for best picture. That’s only eight as I have already seen “The Help”. So the adventure continues! I have feeling I’ll get through the movies faster than the books, regardless its been fun!
With the wet weather continuing into the early week, a friend and I decided to snuggle up with a movie at my house. He choose Punk Drunk Love from the unseen movies in my cabinet. Let me just say we both kept looking at each other saying what is going on? It definitely was one of those movies that at the end you say HUH? My friend laughed and said well now we know why it was in the $1 bin. I was quite saddened for an Adam Sandler movie, I suppose they can’t all be winners. So 45 more movies!!
My goal between now and the Oscars is the watch all the Oscar nominated movies for best picture. That’s only eight as I have already seen “The Help”. So the adventure continues! I have feeling I’ll get through the movies faster than the books, regardless its been fun!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Sometimes they get it right on the nail head!
I recently read a Blog written by a guy from a website that I chatted on in the past. I found it ironic to a point as I knew the guy who wrote the Blog personally.
We had gone out a few times, talked/texted, and spilled our guts out for months, all to find out that he had led me on, lied about being married (I only JUST learned this almost a year later) and numerous other things. On top of it he is now dating/involved with the woman who has harassed, belittled and assaulted me for the past year, talk about a punch in the stomach.
Anyhow back to his Blog, although I dislike the guy with the largest rock in the world, I did find his Blog enlightening and made me smile. I thought I only more men read it and understood that this is truly what women want.
I’ve been working on understanding men the past few years, seminars, workshops, books, research, etc. That I thought shoot I’m going to share something for the men to learn about women. So enjoy.
************************************************************************
Hello everyone,
Pull up a chair and let ole' Papa B give you everything I know about women. That's right EVERYTHING I know....all fits in this 1 little blog post. There's tons more to know about a woman, but us men will never get it, so just follow B’s 7 steps of Engagement (Yep, just made that up, go with it) and you will do ok. This mostly applies to the men, but women can learn a thing or 2 as well.
1. Communicate effectively
If you want or DON'T want something...just say it. Let the poor gal in front of you decide if she wants what you want. If you only tell her what you *THINK* she wants to hear....may god have mercy on your soul...because she sure won't.
2. Listen to her--actually LISTEN
I know us guys are just thinking "pussypussypussy" like that dog in the Beggin Strips commercial,. BUT! If you listen to what they say outside of the sex chat, you will get brownie points when you bring up things that you learned and you will determine if they have something you might want long term. Meaningful relationship, friends w/ benefits or just a fuck buddy. Either way, put the dick down and learn a little about the woman you are trying to stick it to.
3. Make her feel important
Yep, I know what you're thinking...it's just a sex site, why bother? Simple...you make her feel important, even if it's just for a date or 3 and she will work your dick like she's going for her scuba license...and isn't that what we all want? Honestly though...a woman that feels important to you will work hard for you, and on you. Enough said.
4. Have integrity...say what you mean, mean what you say.
Goes back to # 1. If you feel something, tell her and ask her to do the same. It might be as simple as "I'm horny? Are you? Yeah? Good, let's fuck." Or it might be something more meaningful that you can create a bond of friendship or more over. We all have shit going on in our lives and you would be surprised how much of our shit is similar to everyone else's if you would only take the time to tell it straight. For example, it's no big secret that I am married and going through a divorce and I told it to every woman I talked with early on in the conversation. I am sure it has lost me some opportunities, but it was out there with no surprises.
5. Be honest. Never lie--not even a white lie
You'd think this would be simple enough. Only acceptable lie is for surprise birthday parties, gifts, trips and the like. Otherwise, the truth will set you free....and a lie will get your rabbit boiled. Nothing makes a woman loose her cool quicker than when she feels betrayed and lied to, so save yourself the carnage and just don't lie.
6. Tell her she's beautiful...often.
Listen, we're all beautiful in our ways. If you think she's worth enough to fuck, there must be some things about her you like...so open your trap and let her know. None of us is perfect. Us guys might not be in great shape, might have a bald spot, our dicks aren't 12 inches long or whatever. If this gal thinks enough of you to take YOU inside HER, that's a beautiful thing and worth your compliments.
7. Be generous with yourself, your time and showering her with gifts doesn’t hurt either
No one likes a fuck and go unless you are a hired hooker. As in #6, if she's hot enough to fuck, then don't rush it. Spend a little time making love to her mind and I swear her panties will fall off so fast and hard they will leave a crater in the floor AND the sex will be 10X better for both of you. Spend time on her and be generous. That doesn’t mean you have to buy her a Bentley, but don't be a cheapskate either. Just learn a little from #1 and #2 and go with that. Perfect example of what I mean. This past Xmas I got a beautiful lady a really nice gift...pretty big ticket item that I knew she needed. I also got her a few $5 and $10 baubles that I knew she would love based on the conversations we have had. As expected, she went gaga over the baubles and, while she loved the big gift too, it was the fact that I listened and knew what to get her on a personal "bauble" level that got my brains screwed out that night.
One last thing never let your ego get in the way of saying the two most healing words..."I’m sorry". It goes a looooooooong way fellas
We had gone out a few times, talked/texted, and spilled our guts out for months, all to find out that he had led me on, lied about being married (I only JUST learned this almost a year later) and numerous other things. On top of it he is now dating/involved with the woman who has harassed, belittled and assaulted me for the past year, talk about a punch in the stomach.
Anyhow back to his Blog, although I dislike the guy with the largest rock in the world, I did find his Blog enlightening and made me smile. I thought I only more men read it and understood that this is truly what women want.
I’ve been working on understanding men the past few years, seminars, workshops, books, research, etc. That I thought shoot I’m going to share something for the men to learn about women. So enjoy.
************************************************************************
Hello everyone,
Pull up a chair and let ole' Papa B give you everything I know about women. That's right EVERYTHING I know....all fits in this 1 little blog post. There's tons more to know about a woman, but us men will never get it, so just follow B’s 7 steps of Engagement (Yep, just made that up, go with it) and you will do ok. This mostly applies to the men, but women can learn a thing or 2 as well.
1. Communicate effectively
If you want or DON'T want something...just say it. Let the poor gal in front of you decide if she wants what you want. If you only tell her what you *THINK* she wants to hear....may god have mercy on your soul...because she sure won't.
2. Listen to her--actually LISTEN
I know us guys are just thinking "pussypussypussy" like that dog in the Beggin Strips commercial,. BUT! If you listen to what they say outside of the sex chat, you will get brownie points when you bring up things that you learned and you will determine if they have something you might want long term. Meaningful relationship, friends w/ benefits or just a fuck buddy. Either way, put the dick down and learn a little about the woman you are trying to stick it to.
3. Make her feel important
Yep, I know what you're thinking...it's just a sex site, why bother? Simple...you make her feel important, even if it's just for a date or 3 and she will work your dick like she's going for her scuba license...and isn't that what we all want? Honestly though...a woman that feels important to you will work hard for you, and on you. Enough said.
4. Have integrity...say what you mean, mean what you say.
Goes back to # 1. If you feel something, tell her and ask her to do the same. It might be as simple as "I'm horny? Are you? Yeah? Good, let's fuck." Or it might be something more meaningful that you can create a bond of friendship or more over. We all have shit going on in our lives and you would be surprised how much of our shit is similar to everyone else's if you would only take the time to tell it straight. For example, it's no big secret that I am married and going through a divorce and I told it to every woman I talked with early on in the conversation. I am sure it has lost me some opportunities, but it was out there with no surprises.
5. Be honest. Never lie--not even a white lie
You'd think this would be simple enough. Only acceptable lie is for surprise birthday parties, gifts, trips and the like. Otherwise, the truth will set you free....and a lie will get your rabbit boiled. Nothing makes a woman loose her cool quicker than when she feels betrayed and lied to, so save yourself the carnage and just don't lie.
6. Tell her she's beautiful...often.
Listen, we're all beautiful in our ways. If you think she's worth enough to fuck, there must be some things about her you like...so open your trap and let her know. None of us is perfect. Us guys might not be in great shape, might have a bald spot, our dicks aren't 12 inches long or whatever. If this gal thinks enough of you to take YOU inside HER, that's a beautiful thing and worth your compliments.
7. Be generous with yourself, your time and showering her with gifts doesn’t hurt either
No one likes a fuck and go unless you are a hired hooker. As in #6, if she's hot enough to fuck, then don't rush it. Spend a little time making love to her mind and I swear her panties will fall off so fast and hard they will leave a crater in the floor AND the sex will be 10X better for both of you. Spend time on her and be generous. That doesn’t mean you have to buy her a Bentley, but don't be a cheapskate either. Just learn a little from #1 and #2 and go with that. Perfect example of what I mean. This past Xmas I got a beautiful lady a really nice gift...pretty big ticket item that I knew she needed. I also got her a few $5 and $10 baubles that I knew she would love based on the conversations we have had. As expected, she went gaga over the baubles and, while she loved the big gift too, it was the fact that I listened and knew what to get her on a personal "bauble" level that got my brains screwed out that night.
One last thing never let your ego get in the way of saying the two most healing words..."I’m sorry". It goes a looooooooong way fellas
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Waiting on test results is nerve wrecking!
Yesterday I went into for an outpatient surgery, they took a biopsy of a section of my right boob. Waiting on the test results is truly nerve wrecking!! They put me on some pain meds. that have made me loopy as heck, had to leave work early today as I couldn't concentrate and was tired as heck. So home I came, in the meantime I am trying to not freak out to much till the results come in.
In better news I lost another 8 lbs this week!! WHOOO HOOO!!! I finally was able to weigh myself and went down another 8 lbs. I couldn't believe it especially since I haven't really been working out like I should be. Just think what I could be doing if I brought it and I meant seriously BROUGHT it!!! I have to get to liking working out...I really do!!!
I haven't heard from M in almost a month, surprising? No not really. I knew when he said that he was going to make changes in the new year for himself and his life that it most likely wouldn't happen. His life is around his girls and there's nothing wrong with that, except that when they are gone he's going to look around and realize he's all alone and he did it to himself. But my goal of no contacting past lovers this year prevents be from contacting him, so there ya go. *smiles*
Had dinner with mum and dad tonight. It was nice, hung out with mum for about 3 hours just us two hanging out, talking, games. It was nice, I'm glad that I have made it a priority for my life this year.
Praying that my patience will hold out for just a few more days till the tests come in.
In better news I lost another 8 lbs this week!! WHOOO HOOO!!! I finally was able to weigh myself and went down another 8 lbs. I couldn't believe it especially since I haven't really been working out like I should be. Just think what I could be doing if I brought it and I meant seriously BROUGHT it!!! I have to get to liking working out...I really do!!!
I haven't heard from M in almost a month, surprising? No not really. I knew when he said that he was going to make changes in the new year for himself and his life that it most likely wouldn't happen. His life is around his girls and there's nothing wrong with that, except that when they are gone he's going to look around and realize he's all alone and he did it to himself. But my goal of no contacting past lovers this year prevents be from contacting him, so there ya go. *smiles*
Had dinner with mum and dad tonight. It was nice, hung out with mum for about 3 hours just us two hanging out, talking, games. It was nice, I'm glad that I have made it a priority for my life this year.
Praying that my patience will hold out for just a few more days till the tests come in.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
First movie of the challenge!
I turned on the TV tonight and found myself engrossed in it. It was TOMBSTONE with Kurt Russell and Val Kilmer. I'm surprised I have never seen this movie especially I have been to Tombstone Arizona and saw the reenacted shooting at the OK Coral.
Tombstone truly is one of my favorite little towns and parts of history to visit. It was a once in a lifetime visit with my GF who lives in the area. Its a fun little town and lots of history.
Watching the movie I learned a lot more about history and all that occurred, I actually thought it all ended at the OK coral shooting, but no it went on and on for years. The movie was entertaining for a western and kept me riveted to the TV. I quite enjoyed it an look forward to the next movie for the 50/50 challenge.
Today's been a strange day. I got upset at J and told her. I thought I was upset and realized that it really is more of feeling excluded from her life lately and feeling a little bit as though she's being selfish about things. So now there is this tension between us and I'm not sure how to fix it. But I guess I'll just give her, her space and wait.
Besides that I went to the doctor today, they gave me medicine again for a new flare up. I'm concerned about the flare ups and realize I need to stop stressing about life otherwise I'll keep getting them. *sighs*
I'm seriously having unsettled feelings again about the girls who left the group and now they are in this new group and for some reason it bothers me. *frowns*
Let go and let my higher power, let God, let my angels, spirits, protectors.
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