Isn't caring just GRAND?

Rejection and abandonment is what I am feeling the most right now when it comes to thoughts of Yumminess. The sad thing is that I know he is going through A LOT right now but I still feel this overwhelming feeling of being rejected. I don’t like it because it also makes me feel very selfish, which I don’t think I am. I just would like to know what is going on with his daughter and how I can help him, at the same time I realize that this is a bit of my program not working well, so I am trying to reel myself in.

I don’t know what to do or think, a part of me really wants to just throw my hands up and say okay enough the other part is like whoooooo hold your horses, his little girl is really sick and he might need you. What I don’t know how to figure out is if this need is my need to be co-dependent and help someone or if it is genuinely true. *sighs* The brain really does screw with ya sometimes, or is that your emotions?

I have friends on both sides of this gate who both make valid points. One who is male and has 2 young girls himself, says just to be there for Yumminess, that words are needed. Another friend a female with 2 children of her own, asks me how long are you willing to be in the background of his life? How long are you willing to wait? And to be honest I don’t know. I mean I am 37, 38 in a little over 7 months and I really would like to have children. If I think about it I realize that realistically that Yumminess and I probably won’t even be anywhere close to thinking about that for at least 2 years, so I will close to 40. Do I wait and hope that, that is what happens? Or do I cut the cord with Yumminess and move on romantically? I don’t know, I really don’t, or I don’t know how to might be more the truth.

A totally different side of things is my High Power, guides and spirits seem to be either fighting with each other or I am reading things totally wrong. My ex GF and I were talking last night she knows all about Yumminess as we were together when I first met Yumminess. I told her the situation and she responded back with doesn’t he realize that you are suppose to be in his life, to help him through this? She is very in tune with her psychic side and I tend to go to her a lot on some issues. At the same time I am truly wondering what my Higher Power has in store for me, as yesterday could have totally been different if he would have stepped in.

*sighs* So Yumminess has asked me to step back not for good he says but at least for today so he can deal with things. AWESOME!! So I get to go YET another day not knowing what is going on, and yet another evening or restless sleep…Isn’t caring about someone GRAND?