Silly me in allowing someone back into my life that has hurt me once before and who didn’t have enough respect for me to cut ties the correct way. So what does he do again? The SAME dang thing!
I went on a date with Ma few weekends ago, after some six plus months have passed, when he disappeared for no apparent reason. He texted out of the blue stating he wanted to apologize, that he screwed up and wanted to make it up to me. So I allowed him to apologize and take me to dinner.
His excuse for disappearing last time was he had been catching feelings for me and he wasn’t ready for that. So he got spooked and took off. He said he realized it wasn’t the best thing and he should have spoken to me about it. A part of me was flattered that he had admitted he had feelings for me. The other part was like uh huh, dude you’re not getting in my panties.
So the night of the date, he picked me up right on time, smelt yummy and we had a nice dinner, then drinks. He drove me home, we talked a bit, he walked me to my door, kissed me good night and said he looked forward to seeing me soon. It was a nice evening, and of course I sent a text to thank him.
During the week we texted back and forth, decided to give it one more round. I told him that it was important to me to have a man in my life that showed how he felt towards me not just say it. I told him things that were important to me in a relationship and again he seemed responsive.
So we made plans to have a LATE dinner on Sunday night. I hadn’t heard from him all day Sunday so I sent him a text. When it came time to meet I still hadn’t heard from him. That was 2 days ago and yet again he has disappeared. I’ve texted a dozen times just asking if he was okay. NOTHING!
Silly me for believing some man that he had changed and would do the right thing. Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me. So yes I feel very foolish and silly for falling for it again, especially since that week of texting I was starting to have some apparent misgivings about the entire situation. All I can say is thank heavens that I didn’t give it up!
Update: So he lost his phone a few days ago. I received an email from him this evening telling me that he likes me a lot but that I am too pushy and clingy wanting EXTRAS from him that he's not quite ready to give me. WHAT THE HELL ARE EXTRAS?!!!!
Monday, January 31, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Ya never know what's gonna happen.
So last night I go out with friends to sushi and the comedy club. Having a great night we all come back to my place watch some videos and pass out. Well before I went to bed around 1am I get this text saying shhhh I'm drunk. It wasn't so much the text and what it said but the person who texted it.
I don't know if you remember dear blog about M, about 6 months or so ago we went on a few dates than out of no where he just disappeared. So I get this strange text from him where he is attempting to apologize to me. He said that he got scared and didn't know what to do that he should have talked to me, but running seemed easier. That lately I had been on his mind and that he wanted to make amends for what he had done.
I seriously don't know what to think or say. Is a 1am drunk apology sufficient or do I deserve better? Guilt and Karma I am sure had an effect on him but still don't I deserve something better? Especially when admitting that you have feelings for me.
I don't know if you remember dear blog about M, about 6 months or so ago we went on a few dates than out of no where he just disappeared. So I get this strange text from him where he is attempting to apologize to me. He said that he got scared and didn't know what to do that he should have talked to me, but running seemed easier. That lately I had been on his mind and that he wanted to make amends for what he had done.
I seriously don't know what to think or say. Is a 1am drunk apology sufficient or do I deserve better? Guilt and Karma I am sure had an effect on him but still don't I deserve something better? Especially when admitting that you have feelings for me.
Life is good
Life is amazingly good right now. I lost 4 lbs last week, I went to boot camp twice, hiked Mission Trails, and rode my bike to work. I feel healthier, full of energy and excited about tomorrows hike at Cabrillo. I didn't exercise for three days and I'm feeling it, ugh!
I started a new group a dating group and am excited how it will take off, I'm not looking for anyone or anything this year. Its all about me!!!! Getting healthy, making some money, and traveling.
I want to run the 1/2 marathon next year and before I'm 40 a full marathon, so it will take my daily dedication to my goal.
Yumminess and I haven't really talked or anything in about a month, I miss him like crazy and wish that he would miss me also. But I have to move on, I guess.
I started a new group a dating group and am excited how it will take off, I'm not looking for anyone or anything this year. Its all about me!!!! Getting healthy, making some money, and traveling.
I want to run the 1/2 marathon next year and before I'm 40 a full marathon, so it will take my daily dedication to my goal.
Yumminess and I haven't really talked or anything in about a month, I miss him like crazy and wish that he would miss me also. But I have to move on, I guess.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Who are you when no one is looking?
Are you really you when you're around people? Are you honest with yourself and those that are close to you? Or are you like 90% of people that put masks on and pretend they are someone else to be liked?
I think I am me, wherever I am, whomever I am with. Of course there are some friends and people that don't know all aspects of me, but that's okay the core me is who I am around people.
But I think that what people don't see is that I am really lonely. I miss having someone to call my partner, someone to hear a love song and think that's them.
I heard a beautiful song this evening in a movie and it made me think of yumminess, called Give into me . I know though that 2011 is about me! Getting healthy physically and mentally. So I am not focusing on men this year, I'm so busy with life my groups, work, family and trying to get healthy that a man will just complicate things. So why is it that I feel so alone and would like someone in my life? Is that really who I am when no one is looking?
I think I am me, wherever I am, whomever I am with. Of course there are some friends and people that don't know all aspects of me, but that's okay the core me is who I am around people.
But I think that what people don't see is that I am really lonely. I miss having someone to call my partner, someone to hear a love song and think that's them.
I heard a beautiful song this evening in a movie and it made me think of yumminess, called Give into me . I know though that 2011 is about me! Getting healthy physically and mentally. So I am not focusing on men this year, I'm so busy with life my groups, work, family and trying to get healthy that a man will just complicate things. So why is it that I feel so alone and would like someone in my life? Is that really who I am when no one is looking?
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
They have penises.
Why is it that men expect me to DROP my life for them when I haven’t even met then? I lead a VERY VERY busy life, it may seem that I am online a lot, but that is because I am online at work and usually late at night. But for the most part I lead a fricken busy life! So why is that when I start talking to a man that he expects me to drop my entire life and sit around talking to him? SERIOUSLY?
If you want to get to know me ASK me out! Don’t get all pissy when I say I am busy, ask when I am free because you want to take me out. ASK ME OUT ALREADY!
So why do men think that they are the only ones that have the right to have their own lives and be busy? Why is it that they think we should be sitting at home twiddling our thumbs waiting for them? Then they claim that we are so needy and clingy, that we don’t have our own lives! Omgoodness you made us give it up!
So why is it that men have this mentality? A friend of mine (a male mind you) says because they have penises! Really? Is it that all the blood is in a males penies that he can’t think straight enough to ask a woman out?
If you want to get to know me ASK me out! Don’t get all pissy when I say I am busy, ask when I am free because you want to take me out. ASK ME OUT ALREADY!
So why do men think that they are the only ones that have the right to have their own lives and be busy? Why is it that they think we should be sitting at home twiddling our thumbs waiting for them? Then they claim that we are so needy and clingy, that we don’t have our own lives! Omgoodness you made us give it up!
So why is it that men have this mentality? A friend of mine (a male mind you) says because they have penises! Really? Is it that all the blood is in a males penies that he can’t think straight enough to ask a woman out?
Monday, January 10, 2011
Each Day I get stronger.
Sometimes missing someone doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to be with them or go back to them. It simply means that you miss the time that you were together.
Last night I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a very very long time. I heard a song on the radio by Sara Evans called “a little bit stronger” and the song hit me like a rock. When I went to sleep I was thinking about the song and it brought up all these memories of Pbrain and I. *sighs*
It’s strange because although I fell asleep crying last night about my relationship with Pbrain, it’s Yumminess whom I miss the most. Maybe every break and move on triggers a past heartache? If that’s so Lordy help me what the future brings.
They say it takes half as long as the time you were together to get over someone. So that means 2 years and I guess I am right on path for that. I will say that it defiantly doesn’t happen over night, that it takes each day moving on and getting stronger to move past the hopes, dreams, promises of a once was. But each day that you do move on, you get a little stronger. Sometimes just pretending you’re okay, till its true works.
I think back to this time last year and realize how much pain I was still in, but it was much less than it was that previous August, or November.
I believe that with each love, adoration, lust, passion, that you allow into your life for what every period of time, that it changes your heart. That as much as you might want it to be, your heart is never the same.
I will say this that even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
Last night I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a very very long time. I heard a song on the radio by Sara Evans called “a little bit stronger” and the song hit me like a rock. When I went to sleep I was thinking about the song and it brought up all these memories of Pbrain and I. *sighs*
It’s strange because although I fell asleep crying last night about my relationship with Pbrain, it’s Yumminess whom I miss the most. Maybe every break and move on triggers a past heartache? If that’s so Lordy help me what the future brings.
They say it takes half as long as the time you were together to get over someone. So that means 2 years and I guess I am right on path for that. I will say that it defiantly doesn’t happen over night, that it takes each day moving on and getting stronger to move past the hopes, dreams, promises of a once was. But each day that you do move on, you get a little stronger. Sometimes just pretending you’re okay, till its true works.
I think back to this time last year and realize how much pain I was still in, but it was much less than it was that previous August, or November.
I believe that with each love, adoration, lust, passion, that you allow into your life for what every period of time, that it changes your heart. That as much as you might want it to be, your heart is never the same.
I will say this that even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Sad & Proud... all in one how strange can that be?
As I sit here drinking my second glass of wine after a really long day, and a few minutes after give myself some self love (yes I said MASTURBATED) I realize how much I miss yumminess. Yes Yumminess if you are reading this, I miss you. I miss the way your kiss could make me smile, swoon and drip. I miss how just hearing from you made my day, and how being a part of my life seemed important to someone at one time. *sighs*
I think its the wine talking, obviously not my sane mind. As my sane mind, I would tell you all I AM GREAT and moving on an fine, but two glasses of wine and a long day of walking my first 5K and seeing The West Side Story this evening, I'm exhausted. I should be in bed but I wanted to be really tired and I think I am headed there. *smiles*
I should be happy and proud of myself for finishing the 5K today. But all I can think about right now is how much I miss the friendship with yumminess, and how it really sucks to be alone right now.
Oh well tomorrow's a new day.
I think its the wine talking, obviously not my sane mind. As my sane mind, I would tell you all I AM GREAT and moving on an fine, but two glasses of wine and a long day of walking my first 5K and seeing The West Side Story this evening, I'm exhausted. I should be in bed but I wanted to be really tired and I think I am headed there. *smiles*
I should be happy and proud of myself for finishing the 5K today. But all I can think about right now is how much I miss the friendship with yumminess, and how it really sucks to be alone right now.
Oh well tomorrow's a new day.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
New Year New Me!
Happy 2011!! 2010 is over and done with, the holidays are over, the celebrations are put away and its now the beginning of the new year. WOW!
The past few months have just flown by. My woman's group that I host has totally taken off and really taken over my social life. Its a rare night that I'm not out doing something with the girlies, or having the girlies in for game night, etc. Its been an amazing adventure and journey meeting new girlies and bonding into lifelong friends.
I signed up for the San Diego, Biggest Loser contest, and for the next 17 weeks I'll be competing, cheering and leading my team on to *crossing fingers* victory! I'm excited about this 17 week challenge as it is getting me out there and thinking about my eating, and exercise again. I'd really like to lose 100 lbs, but I know that I am taking small steps so will be happy with whatever I lose during this contest. Besides the 90 min competitions once a week, I'm doing a lot more exercise than I ever was last year. In fact tomorrow I walk my FIRST 5 K of the year. My goal this year is to walk a min of three. I already have three planned in the next few months so I might have to bump that up a bit. *smiles*
Dating is sorta on hold, and I'm really okay with that. Yumminess and I totally broke ties, we don't talk or anything anymore. It ended a little baldy and for that I really feel sad, but it probably is what I needed in order to let go.
My program meetings have lagged since I stepped down as secretary. I just haven't wanted to go back., not sure why. But I told myself come Feb I am going back, so that is my goal!
My baby brother's GF had their baby in December, she is such a cute and fat little thing! I can't wait to go visit to spoil her.
Well I think that's about it. I wish I could sleep as I have to be up at crack of dawn for the 5K tomorrow and I need my sleep! UGH!!!
The past few months have just flown by. My woman's group that I host has totally taken off and really taken over my social life. Its a rare night that I'm not out doing something with the girlies, or having the girlies in for game night, etc. Its been an amazing adventure and journey meeting new girlies and bonding into lifelong friends.
I signed up for the San Diego, Biggest Loser contest, and for the next 17 weeks I'll be competing, cheering and leading my team on to *crossing fingers* victory! I'm excited about this 17 week challenge as it is getting me out there and thinking about my eating, and exercise again. I'd really like to lose 100 lbs, but I know that I am taking small steps so will be happy with whatever I lose during this contest. Besides the 90 min competitions once a week, I'm doing a lot more exercise than I ever was last year. In fact tomorrow I walk my FIRST 5 K of the year. My goal this year is to walk a min of three. I already have three planned in the next few months so I might have to bump that up a bit. *smiles*
Dating is sorta on hold, and I'm really okay with that. Yumminess and I totally broke ties, we don't talk or anything anymore. It ended a little baldy and for that I really feel sad, but it probably is what I needed in order to let go.
My program meetings have lagged since I stepped down as secretary. I just haven't wanted to go back., not sure why. But I told myself come Feb I am going back, so that is my goal!
My baby brother's GF had their baby in December, she is such a cute and fat little thing! I can't wait to go visit to spoil her.
Well I think that's about it. I wish I could sleep as I have to be up at crack of dawn for the 5K tomorrow and I need my sleep! UGH!!!
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