I want to punch him in the throat!!

I've never wanted to physically hurt someone as much as I want to punch G in the throat right now. I am so pissed, hurt, feeling foolish, humiliated, and stupid that I want to hurt someone. I know its not healthy, its not a healthy way to release the anger, but its a very real feeling I have right now. That and wanting to cry deeply for a long time. 

What has brought this feeling on you ask? Well dear readers I will tell you. G and I started talking again, and we have tried to mend our relationship into a friendship possibly a FWB. But we have yet to do anything together, I've asked and asked but he has been busy with one thing or another. A few weeks ago my company went to the horse races and I asked him to attend with me he couldn't but said how much he really wanted to go. So I got tickets for us to go this past weekend. well half way through the week he tells me he can't go he has Daddy duties, I was hurt but understood. I asked if he wanted to do something Friday night he said he had to finish some work. So I let it be.  I texted him Sat afternoon asking if he wanted to do something after he was done with the party no response back. 

This afternoon I get a text from him. We we're flirting a bit and I said something about getting naked. he proceeds to tell me that he should tell me that he went out the night before to dinner with an old Jeeping friend and they ended up having sex. I was livid. I couldn't believe it, all this time all these months that we have tried to go to dinner and he hasn't had time, that this woman happens to call him at the right time and he goes. He goes without even thinking about me. Its not that he had sex with this woman. Its that he chose to spend time with someone else over me yet again!!! That he didn't even think about me or our friendship. He doesn't think he did anything wrong, he doesn't think he owes me an apology. We aren't in a relationship, YES I know this...but a friendship is a relationship!! I think I deserve to be treated a little bit better than being an optional friend when the timing is right, especially when he is a priority friend in my life. 

I haven't been this angry at someone in a long long time. I keep going back and forth between wanting to cry and wanting to punch him in the throat. Either one isn't an option right now, but what is is to block him number, write him off and close that door forever. Its been a joke of a ride and now I have to suck up the anger and let it go.