Thursday, August 30, 2012

So Its Thursday!


Ugh! I so wish it was Friday! Then the three day weekend would be here and I could just veg and not think about work or the insecurities I am feeling inside. My gut is telling me more and more that I won’t be with this company for long and that is a really unsettleing feeling. I do TONS for them, I work my bootie off and yes I make mistakes but everyone does. Its just this feeling that you can’t make mistakes, that’s just a terrible feeling to have with a job. Plus this week I am extremely tired. *scratches head* is that time coming? Hmm

I told K yesterday that I just didn’t see him and I going anywhere. I’m just not really good with the passive aggressive attitude that he has, and the negativity is a buzz kill. So I thought I had cut ties, till this morning he texts saying why don’t I come over Sat and you can cook me dinner. I was like uhhh what? First of all even if I wanted to give this a second date chance inviting him to my house would not be an option especially not right now, second uhhh I told you yesterday I didn’t want to see you again.  *shaking head*

Its just sad everytime I meet someone I think of the potential and then when I’m on the date or when it goes bad I think about G. *sighs* and its really not that G was anything special. I mean he wasn’t Chatum Tatum or anything, but he was just comfortable to me. Except when he flew off the handle because of miscommunication. But when we first started talking and when he came over to my place it was some of my favorite nights. I still think and laugh about when we went to dinner in poway, about thinking he might actually kiss me that night and he didn’t.  He became one of my favorite people, the person that I wanted to tell things to, share things, laugh, cry, hold, be safe to yell to, unload my basket. But somewhere along the way  our insecurities and differences have over shadowed the feelings we had so many months ago.  It’s a shame because I miss him so, but I know that he will never make the step towards trying to fix the friendship, so each day I remind myself that this too shall pass and to move on.  Is it really that easy?

Buttercup has been getting on my nerves a lot this week. Each day I seem to find more and more reasons to be upset at her. Last night I flipped because she wanted her Bf to come down this weekend, at the same time I wanted to be alone. I get so frustrated at my place being a mess and that she really doesn’t seem to care. I clean and the minute she comes home it’s a mess again. Don’t get me wrong there are times that I am so grateful that she is there, like when she pays rent, or when she brings dinner home on a really rough night.  I like living with her most of the time, I just wish she was more considerate of my place. It reminds me so much of the complaints my mum had when I moved back home from my divorce. Sorta funny in a way at the same time frustrating.

I’ve been thinking of starting another Blog, something like me through out the year. I take a photo of myself every morning (*frowns* I use to send it to G everyday, he seemed to enjoy it, I miss that, silly huh?) and I thought wouldn’t it be cool if I did a blog with a picture a day? Then I could see myself throughout the ages. I’m thinking seriously about it.

It’s SHIT day So Happy Its Thursday, and I will say that I am!!! Celebrate tomorrows Friday!!!

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