Who say's she's not doing some guy back there?

That's the conversation I had with a male friend of mine who is in the military and going through some marital issues. I made a slip with him in the past and slept with him when there was total miscommunication on his marital status, ever since then he's been trying to get me to do it again. But I am sticking to my guns and not even attempting to put my foot in that pool again.

So is this really a man's perspective? That she MIGHT be doing some guy back home, so on the off chance that she is, he has every right to mess around? Have you not heard of MARRIAGE vows? If you don't want to be married anymore then get a divorce and or make an agreement that you're going to have an open relationship. END OF STORY!

As much as I like this guy as a friend and could see myself possibly dating him, I don't see a long term relationship with him so why would I waste my time in the pool? For fun you say? How is getting attached to someone that you know from the beginning is NOT looking for the same things as yourself and is only out for one thing...the NOOKIE!

I asked my male friends.....

What is the first thing that you notice about a woman that attracts you to them? I asked this of my male friends via text this evening after leaving a workshop that teaches women how to understand men.

In the workshop they said that Shiny Hair, Shapely body, Sensuality and Sexual energy will attract a man to a woman and the response from the man will be they want to have sex with the woman. (PERIOD!) but if a woman is self confident, authentic, passionate, and receptive, to a man he will be Charmed & Enchanted by the woman which will result in the man falling in love with her.

So leaving the workshop, I was thinking and wanted to test the theory. I wanted to know what the ONE thing was that attracted a man to a woman on first glance. My first text went out asking what attracts you to a woman. After getting a few responses I realized I needed to re-phrase so I did to what is the first thing you notice about a woman that attracts you to them?

Here is what they had to say:
Tits, ass & pussy
nice ass
beautiful eyes and long neck
Face
Butt
Looks! Good Figure. Pretty face.
Pretty face
teeth
confidence
nice smile & approachable body language
Hair-because if she don't have any. I'm not interested
Her eyes
nice tit

So if I take all of that which was given by my guy friends, I'm in a pretty good place right now. So now I just need to work on the confidence part of it all the time and stop with the Favorite question of a woman...WHY?

I'll blog more about this workshop over the next few days, I learned a lot!!! Good thing I have AWESOME TITS and a SMILE that breaks hearts!!!

This is why I don't like casual sex!

Casual sex...it's every where these days. Everyone is doing it! As I typed that I heard my mom's voice saying and if everyone jumped out of a plane would you?....umm YES!!!

Casual sex is what has made society what it is in terms of relationships with others. You can easily jump on Craig's list, AFF or any other online dating site and find someone to have a night of casual sex with. So what's wrong with that you're asking? Especially coming from you Ms. Voices who is very open minded preaching at times that sex is really just an exercise for the body, something we all need and have to have to survive. It's not what defines a relationship, enmeshment , joining that is what defines relationships.

Yes I've had casual sex, done the FWB's thing, even gosh behold the FBuddy thing, but the following is why I don't like it. Because SOMEONE always gets attached!, and its usually the woman which equates to ME!!! As we all know men and women have very different views on Sex and handle it very differently.

There have been times in my life I will admit that I was pretty promiscious, I could handle the sex with men as being just a release of the body. These days those I know what I desire and the casual sex part as much as I try to keep it just that CASUAL, I tend to get attached. So that is what happened recently.

I was in a pretty casual relationship with a man. When we started out I was pretty clear that I was looking for a relationship, he seemed inclined to wanting the same thing till we had sex, at which point he said that we wasn't looking for a relationship. Well in all my wisdom I should of just been done with him at that point and walked away...but DAMN my sexual bodiness...if it didn't pick up that phone a time or two late at night for a bootie call. *YES* Even I am guilty of this!!!

So this casual sex partner informs me a while back that he's decided to get back with an ex gf and see if things will work out this time. We actually were out on a casual date when he informed me of this...to be honest we were about to have sex. He then proceeds to tell me that he wanted to tell me face to face so I didn't have any hurt feelings and he wanted to wrap things up. Yeah he wanted one last romp in the hay...or as he referred it as the beast with two backs. *rolling eyes* You're probably saying but Ms. Voices it was just casual, yeah I know and he was polite about the entire thing, but regardless it still hurts when you're rejected. Makes a woman's mind say what is so wrong with me that he didn't want to try with me?

*sighs*

Funny how your body will convience you that your instincts are wrong!

We've all heard the the saying follow your instincts, gut feeling, sixth sense, whatever you want to refer to it as. But what happens when your body reacts differently then those instincts? That's what happened to me yesterday. The kiss that my friend landed on me for a little bit had my mind thinking about the possibility of something more with this man. Unfortunately for him my instincts won out in the morning light and trusting in those instincts proved me right this afternoon when he angrily accused me of somethings and I called our friendship off.

Its funny how we can easily point fingers at people and not see our own actions. I apologized for anything I might have done to effect the situation and owned up to my actions. But as is his normal MO he blamed everyone else around for his part of it. *sighs* As my friend J says, you bite the bullet on that one girl.

In other news....I stood up a possibly really nice guy tonight without even realizing I was doing it. I have never in my life done that. I was at work till 7 tonight working on a HUGE BID for tomorrow, which would mean I would be back at work full time. Which is my goal. This wonderful man and I set up the date last week and then I got cold feet after reading his profile. Then I contacted him and apologized, what I didn't realize was that we were suppose to be keeping the original date. He IM'd me about 7 pm saying well I waited 45 mins. it was nice meeting you. I FELT TERRIBLE!! I still do! Anyone that knows me that is so not my MO!!! So how do I rectify this? I apologized and explained that I was at work still. *sighs* all I can do is apologize and hope that one day he will forgive me. I'm powerless over others and their reactions.

Oh how the body can over ride the mind....be remember in our mind is where we have to finally live with everything we do.

Just a kiss....

One kiss...how can one kiss make me totally change my view on someone? One little kiss today from someone and my mind is swirling around what it all means. I want a man who will court me, who is smitten with me, who does the simple things for a woman.

Sighs just a kiss!

Trespassers will be prosecuted to the highest degree of my heart

I saw following sign the other day and thought to myself why can't we have a sign like that on our hearts?

I mean seriously if you had a sign on your heart that others could see maybe they wouldn't be so nonchalant about how they treated you. Maybe just maybe if they knew that if they trespassed on your heart they would be prosecuted to the highest degree of the law....maybe SHOT!!!

Heartache hurts. Its one reason why I have this love/dislike with internet dating. It's wonderful to be able to chat with someone on line and learn things about them before going on. Its nice to eliminate that sorta first date nerves, because you've already chatted and hopefully are on the same page.

The thing is that first date has to happen...and hopefully you were smart enough to not meet someone that is past a 30 mile radius of you, Especially if you are looking for a LTR. More than 30 miles from you and really you're just asking for disaster. So you're on the first date (okay let's back up here. HE HAS TO ASK YOU OUT ON A FIRST DATE WITHIN THE FIRST 2 WEEKS! and it has to be at least 5 days out. If it's not well read what could happen in my other posts...married/cheating/not really interested) Okay so you're on your first date, and there is chemistry, just not enough!!! That is why I say meet someone quickly so that you aren't wasting your time...and remember 5 dates!!!

So what happens if you do meet someone that is out of the 30 mile radius? Well here is what happens, you're going to have a long distance/text/IM relationship. What happens if you seriously fall for the person? For me a relationship is someone that you spend time with off line...you create memories with. Sure you can share your day and all that online, but at the end of the day your computer is not going to bring much comfort or snuggling when you lay down to bed.

The dislike part of online dating is the fact that you can easily fall for someone. That fairytale love because to be honest you have to take what the person is telling you as the truth. Online you can be anyone you want to be, and there are a lot of people who make things up out there. It's funny I never really thought that I was the type to fall for someone online, but I'm scared that might be happening and to be honest it's not a fun feeling. Knowing that you've meet someone that is 3 hours away whom you want to tell everything about you to, but you hold back because you realize once again that you might be walking into that Trespassing section of your heart. Strange, I really thought that my heart was protected in this bank vault that could NEVER been entered again by anyone, the key was thrown away and only one was made.

My fear is that we will really never meet (2012, is the end of the world after all *giggles*). Or that my feelings are unfounded, or that really he doesn't feel the same as me, or well there are lots of the What if's again!

My heart, mind and soul all private property, trespassers will be prosecuted!

Body aches, tired, not even in the mood!!!

For the past few weeks I have been helping my parents out with the move to the new house. Last weekend I spent packing the old house up for the big move. The past few days I have spent setting up and holding a garage sale. Tomorrow is the LARGE Sale and I pray that stuff sells.

My body hurts. Every little nook and cranny, my back, neck, even my toe nails! Between moving things at their house, moving things to my place and going through everything, I feel dirty, cracky, tired and OLD!!!

So my parents are buying all new things for the new house, so my brother and I had first dibs on anything we wanted in the house. I took the small couch, the queen bed, bookcase, night stand and stand. Nothing really much. Well yesterday there is a conversation about the stereo equipment, and how my brother didn't want to take it (IT'S A NICE STEREO) anyhow I didn't even know that they were going to give the stereo to him. I sorta got upset and was like WHAT!!! I'll take it. My mom was like well I'm not paying you to help me then. I was like whatever. I'll take the stereo. But as I was thinking later, I thought What the heck!! My brother hasn't helped with the move or sale @ all!!! And he got all this shit free. The truck, boat, exercise equipment and a bit more stuff, you're going to also give him the stereo? For not doing anything?

Sometimes I really don't think my mom thinks. It's one reason why I set boundaries for us...and am respecting them. I really can't wait this weekend is over and their move is done.