It took 11 mins!

So this morning while getting ready to go to work I hear a lady screaming bloody murder outside. At first I didn’t register what was going on, then she was still screaming “Oh my God, Help me, they’re killing him” “Oh my god, oh my god” It was freaky and scary, I proceeded to call 911 and told them a neighbor lady was outside screaming bloody murder, gave my address, and that they were 2 houses up. I waited outside to make sure the police got the right location, holy cow it took them 11 mins.

Now 11 mins might not seem like a long time, but let me tell you in those 11 mins., the woman had put the dog in the car, the neighbors had run up the street to help, I had put my sweater on, walked out to the street and was ready to leave for work. 11 MINS!

In those 11 mins. someone could have died! Someone could have gotten away, someone else could have been attacked 11 mins! All of a sudden twelve Sherriff cars pull up, ready to attack the street, but still 11 mins? The station is 2 mins away, maybe 5 on a bad day.

Luckily it was only a poor dog that had been attacked by two other neighbor dogs, but still the way the lady was screaming, I didn’t know what it was, and it took 11 mins! *shaking head*

Remind me if I'm ever attacked or going to be killed to call 11 mins before it happens. 11 mins really?

When you stop looking it will come.

I stopped looking for dates a few months ago, well I should say I stopped looking for my soul mate. I still went on dates here and there not many; I stopped sleeping with men, and stopped looking for the one. I have kept the mind open for my soul mate, knowing he was out there somewhere. I kept my focus on what I am looking for in life and kept in mind and soul when the desire to have sex with someone randomly, I would think to myself would I be sleeping with this man if I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would be meeting my soul mate in the next 72 hours? I always answered no.

Don’t get me wrong I did have a slip here and there, the needs of the body after all. But for the most part I have worked at staying true to myself. I have been working on understanding men, communication, desire, respect, love for all men, all women. It’s been such an amazing journey and so enlightening really.

With the passing of my Grams I have held in my soul the reminder daily that time is precious and to not waste it on the unnecessaries of life. To stay positive, loving, understanding and open to how not only I’m affecting others around me but how others are affecting me.

So a few weeks ago I was contacted via a dating site belong to from a man that dated a former friend of mine. They dated about 2 years, ago and when they were together the 3 of us hung out a lot. I had always thought he was attractive, *smiles*

Saturday he accompanied me to my wine group’s holiday party. We had a fabulous time; he was a perfect gentleman, very sweet, caring, considerate and made sure we got home safely. He is amazing to talk to, funny, charming, sincere, and a good friend. Sunday evening he came over and watched a movie with J and I. It was the perfect ending to a really busy weekend.

I wake up to sweet texts from him. Nothing to mushy or sappy, just him being him and me being me, when I’m around him it feels easy, sweet and safe. I smile when I think about him, and wonder what it will be like to sleep with him, hold his hand again, talk to him again. I get excited to see him again and wonder what new wonders I’ll learn about him and myself.

They have always said that when you stop looking it will come, I am starting to be a true believer.

Watch out for the rocks when you take that step.

A few weeks ago I put myself out there again for Yumminess I asked him to attend a holiday party with me this weekend. I asked in plenty of time, expressed what he would be providing for me, how it would make me happy and all of that. At first he was positive and stated he was tentatively going, just needed to work out arrangements for his Daughter.

But as the past 2 weeks have passed he’s talked himself out of it once again, he’s allowed his fear, his thoughts that he knows what is best for me to change his mind. To say that he can’t provide this for me. *sighs*

I respect him, and his honesty, I just wonder sometimes how long do you wait? How often do you put yourself out there? WHEN will he realize what I realize? Him of all people why is it that he is so easily able to waste precious precious time being alone and unhappy.

I really have no idea what keeps me thinking something will change with him. What made me think that this new way of understanding men, this new way of communicating with them, this new strength to respect them and to see them in a new light would somehow change things between him and I. Why I would even think that it ever will change.

Make sure you have shoes one when you take that first step, you never know how sharp the rocks of rejection can be.

Rules of dating friends ex's, What are they?

What are the rules of dating a friends ex? Recently a former close friend of mine's Ex BF contacted me on a dating site and said sorta remember me? We emailed back and forth for a few hours and talked about getting together for dinner, but what are the rules about dating a friends ex.

She and I aren't that close anymore in fact I haven't seen her or talked to her in at least a year, but does that still make it okay to go out with him?

He does have a few of my bottom lines so not sure why I am even considering having dinner with him and not sure if I have much in common with him. But then again he and I haven't really talked a lot. When he was dating my GF we'd all hang out, watched the super bowl, new years eve, Olympics together, enjoyed good cheeses and laughter's, but is that enough?

Am I creating my own drama in my life yet again by thinking about having dinner with him? What are the rules on dating a friends ex?

Is negative attention better than no attention at all?

I remember when The Past and I were together that we would fight sometimes and I remember sometimes starting the fights just to get attention from him. I seemed to be okay with getting the negative attention the fighting with him as long as I was getting some attention from him. Silly isn’t it? No it wasn’t to have make up sex, although that was always nice.

I’ve learned recently that it is because as a woman we want, NO, we need to feel connected. That’s why we want to hear from the men/people in our lives, it’s why we seem to always want more from them. Its why well at least for myself I always seem to want to reach out one more time in a text, email, phone call, whatever.

I’m learning a lot about myself and the men in my life but at the same time I’m trying to understand my needs, wants and desires. I working on the understanding of a man’s differences from a woman, and working on being that safe trusting place for them to come to express themselves, to be open and honest, to well just be themselves without fear of ridicule, judgment or anger. Men are men amazing people although they are different from women they are just as deserving to being treated right.

So work on getting that positive attention from someone, that attention that is true, worthy and real, instead of that of which you have to manipulate to get.

Time is Precious…so is life.

Grandma’s passing reminded me yet again how precious life is. Why is it when we lose someone, hear of someone passing, or a terrible accident that we are reminded how little time we really have with our loved ones. We take time for granted and don’t live every moment to the fullest?

Friday I heard about two awful stories that brought once again to my heart, life and soul this reminder. First Yumminess told me about his daughters teacher committing suicide, be still my heart, and my thoughts out to that family and all affected by it. I’ve been there I know how alone life can seem at times. I’ve faced that darkness many a time over my adult life, but something, someone or someway I am reminded of the gift of life and have never gone through with it. I thank my life every day for this strength.

Later Friday evening my Huckleberry told me about our graduating classes President whom we just saw in August at the 20 year reunion was in a terrible car accident in September that has left him a paraplegic. Its strange to think that just the month before we were all laughing, smiling, taking photos and commenting on our lives successes, then a few months later we hear this change in his life.

Until the accident he led such an amazing full life. He was a very successful doctor, with a stunning wife, 4 young children, lived the rock star life. We all called him our Facebook Superstar. Always posting photos with Charger players, musicians, and local celebrities, attending wild parties and big local events. All that changed in an incident with a single car accident, that has changed his life forever. There is no more Facebook for him, he’s taken inside himself and feeling sorry for his new life. Which is I know a process of the healing of this terrible accident. I pray for him and his family, and pray that something positive will come out of this all. That he will be a beacon of strength for his family, his children and all that come into contact with him.

With all these changes all around me I look around and see how much we all waste precious lives time. With anger, fear, resentment, it’s all holding us back from what life has to offer the beauty all around us, the love, friendship, adventures. Each moment, year, month, week, day, hour, minute, second, is all truly a gift to enjoy and be grateful for.

I’m working on reminding myself each second to maintain alertness in my walking, sitting, eating, sleeping and most of all my living. To remain focused that time is precious and to enjoy it, to live it, to love it.

I took the first step.

I took a chance today, I asked Yumminess to accompany me to a Holiday Party in two weeks. It took everything in my power to put myself on that plate again with him but after Grandma passing, and all the other little stresses over the past few months, I just can't see myself walking away from him. Life is really to short.

Tonight I had dinner and a movie with my Huckleberry, she told me about a HS friend of ours who was in a terrible accident in Sept that left him a paraplegic. Hearing that and hearing from Yumminess how his daughters teacher committed suicide a few weeks ago on top of Grandma's passing, it made me realize that YES life is way to short and that tomorrow is not guaranteed. So if that means I need to be the one that takes that step, and shows my cards to Yumminess then I will.

He really is the one in my heart I just need him to see how wonderful our lives can be joined. So I took the first step hopefully its not the last.