So in a few more days I will be celebrating with a few dozen of my friends for the 7th anniversary of my 30th birthday. I'm excited a bit nervous hoping everything will come workout okay, but trusting in my higher power & friends that it will. It will be a fun night and I'm looking forward to it.
I was watching my god baby the past few days and it hit me last night how badly I really would like to have a child. To the point that I'm almost tempted to just go out and have one. The thing is having PCOS I know that I would have to have IVF's to get pregnant, and that costs money. Money that I don't have right now. I suppose I should trust in my higher power on this also that if it is meant to be it will happen. Still it would be nice to have a little one running around. It was nice the past few days having a little one around the house.
I can see the growth in staying true to my boundaries and the way I handle my family since beginning my program of recovery, to the point that I can actually pat myself on the back for making sound decisions. Its really pretty rewarding to realize that I am growing, like a little plant that is sprouting up towards the sun to a stronger brighter future. *smiles* it is quite rewarding.
I can also see myself growing on the dating end of things. This is the side that I have had most of my concerns when it comes to my codey patterns. Yesterday I received a text from a guy that I had gone on a few dates with, as recently as last week. The text stated hey we can't do anything sexual anymore as I am now in a committed relationship. I was a bit blown away and responded back, wow that was fast. We did a few texts back and forth. I wished him well with the relationship, he wished me luck on my search telling me that I had a GREAT personality and a smile that makes the devil turn. Now the compliment was nice and I had already decided that things weren't going to go anywhere with this guy, BUT...I will say I did feel a bit rejected by him and a part of me said a few times what is so wrong with me that NO one wants a relationship with me? It shook me a bit, but then I thought about his compliment and also thought about the fact that I really wasn't into this guy and he wasn't the right guy for me if I was into him.
So my higher power was looking out for me and just made it easier to step out of something I could of become very Codey in. When the right time comes the right person will present themselves. For now I am focusing on myself, my recovery, my passions, and my life! Ain't it grand! *smiles*
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This is me!
Over the years I’ve learned that everything bad will pass into a memory and everything good will burn a memory in to your heart.
I’ve taught myself to listen to the voices deep within myself; you know those gut feelings you have, the good & bad that help you think through the issues in your life. The ones that remind you that this too shall pass, and pass it will.
I share myself in my blog, the purest, rawest form of me. You may learn something about yourself (or me), react, commiserate or chuckle a little over my rants, what ever feelings that are drummed up just know that this is ME, as simple as that!
I’ve taught myself to listen to the voices deep within myself; you know those gut feelings you have, the good & bad that help you think through the issues in your life. The ones that remind you that this too shall pass, and pass it will.
I share myself in my blog, the purest, rawest form of me. You may learn something about yourself (or me), react, commiserate or chuckle a little over my rants, what ever feelings that are drummed up just know that this is ME, as simple as that!
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