That's what she gets....a sad moment.

That's what she gets for loving me. The song from Brooks & Dunn says it so sweetly, She said what she wants is a man to be faithful, A true heart somebody willin' and able, To stay by her side through thick and thin, A tender touch every now and then. That would be so nice but seems such a far off dream. Its that country love song again. Its that unattainable love. That fairytale that we hear from child hood and never obtain.

Its funny I thought The Past was that fairytale love that ending of all things. My best friend, lover, the and then some. He didn't complete me he added to me. So I thought The Past dedicated a song to me actually two when the break up was going down. Chris Cagle's Look @ what I've done and Darius Rucker's "Don't think I don't think about it .

Chris Cagle's song still to this day tears at my heart. As though it was yesterday. The song ends with the girl being the stronger one, having taken the time to heal, finding something stronger. *sighs* Will I ever feel that strength? I have the strength in me to go on I know this and I am actually really fine for the most part. Its when I think a split second on the past and am reminded of what I thought I had that I allow my heart to feel with sadness.

So don't think about that split second S. I've been working out again water aerobics that's been nice. I enjoy the stress reliever. I took a walk on the beach Sunday, watched the waves, let the worries wash away. Wouldn't it be nice if heart break could be that easy? Just take a dive in the ocean and the waves repair your heart you come out and no more pain. I suppose that is what my program is suppose to be teaching me. Teaching me to take the time to heal and learn.

I've taken a lot of time thinking about Trojan Man. He's made it very clear that we are NOT in a relationship. That we have NO connection to each other and that we owe each other NOTHING! Yeah I like him a lot, well I did, I've found my desperation and loneliness coming out again. That obsessive feeling I had when with The Past. I don't like that feeling, and he's not into me, so why am I wasting time, energy and sorrow on this guy who really is nothing?

That's what she gets....or is it?

I CHOOSE A$$HOLES!!!

So I have been thinking a lot about the rules that I have set up for myself and I'm feeling really confident about them. So why is that I am bending them already?

I have a date tonight. We'll call him Chilly. Well Chilly has been texting me for weeks and finally asks me to dinner tonight. He offers Souplantation and I said NO actually not. Well he's trying to eat healthily. But come on, are you trying to make a bad first impression? I already have a gut feeling about tonight, but well its a free meal so I'm going.

Trojan man is playing games I'm not really sure what his goal of things is. He got all offended last night when I jokingly called his soon to be ex wife coocoo. He still have strong feelings for her obviously so do I even want to go any further with him? He doesn't text on his own, he only texts about sex. So I don't know

Then there is that tattoo boy from LA. He's coming down tomorrow and wants to meet, the thing is that he wants to have sex. He is very open about wanting to be with me but wants to make sure the sex is good. *sighs* so how do I meet him and stay within reason of my rules?

My yumminess came over yesterday. Yes my Yumminess is pretty much everything I am looking for in a man, and we have known each other for 5 years. I swear every time I see him I am reminded how much I fall for him. He gave me a nice massage, massaged my butt and I fell asleep. It was so nice. Now if only he would allow his walls down and allow his heart to melt and let me in we'd be on our way to bliss.

So I choose A$$holes, working towards changing that and finding something lasting.

Rules of Dating! Okay more like guidelines for S's world to follow.

So much has happened since my last entry. Well I have sorta come to the conclusion that Trojan Man is really only looking for sex. We had it as I blogged last week, then had it again the next day. Then it gets strange. I guess he was feeling a bit rushed by me to a relationship, he's not ready for that he says and he's not emotionally available. Well that Sunday I flipped out on text msg. on him when he hadn't replied back after like 7 hours. He said that he didn't want to deal with that sorta of stuff.

Well after a few days and my drunk GF's texting him he decided to give me a second chance I suppose. We ended up hooking up again and the sex was AMAZING, but now a few days after it I am seriously sensing that its not what I am looking for. I like him a lot don't get me wrong but there is just things missing. Respect, wanting to treating me right etc. So the entire situation had me in a 3 hour conversation with Lex were I came up with some dating rules for myself. I thought I would share them with ya here.

• 5 dates before having sex.

After 5 dates I should know if he has the 5 essentials I am looking for in a man. Which
are: Communication, Honesty, Respect, Integrity & Romance.

• Single

Single. That means Divorced-Not Separated. Not Divorced and still living with ex. Or just
broke up with GF the night before.

• Emotionally Available

Has to be open to starting a relationship full heartily. Had ample time from a divorce or
break up.

• Has a job

I'm not a gold digger, BUT, I do want a man that has a good job. That pays his bills, has
money to take me out to dinner, the theater, movies, buy me things. That's important.

• Communicative

Someone that is going to talk with me. Not over me or going to force me to pull things out.
Someone that doesn't talk to try to impress me or tell me what I want to hear.

• Do not go over to their place or invite in to mine

This is just asking to have sex!

• NO drugs or smoking

I've never done drugs don't desire a man that has. Smoking just makes you smell and dies
earlier.

• Clingy but not

He has to be interested in my life, knowing what I am doing without being over bearing,
controlling or stalkerish

• Similar Interests

Have things in common. Live theater, movies, country music, reading, game boards,
camping, hiking, cooking, good wine, not closed to trying new things.

• Has to be SMITTEN with me

He has to be totally into me!!!

So those are the rules. The things I am going to try my hardest to live by while looking for that not PERFECT man. Because really who IS perfect in this world? Not I said the the cat in the hat. Not I!

Mixed signals or reading to much into it?

So I slept with Trojan man the other night, the same night I was priding myself in setting boundaries. *ugh* Now it is 3 days since and I am really reeling in everything. Processing my thoughts isn't even the right word to explain it.

I realize I did sleep with him way to soon. I don't know if it was that I wanted to feel close to someone again, really wanted to spend more time with him, or as Miller said wanted a bootie call. I don't think it was the last at all, because I really really do like Trojan Man, He makes me smile, laugh, talks to me, and the way his hand makes me feel when he grabs it. I melt, haven't felt that in a long time.

I was even honest with him on text asking him to let a girl know when/if she's getting to clingy, etc. I even asked him to compliment a girl. But its now 5:30pm on Saturday night and he hasn't contacted me at all. *sighs* G says that if he doesn't contact me by Monday to move on. It would really be nice of Trojan man initiated contact, but we will see. Something definitely was off on Thursday.

At the woman's fair today, NM told me to date multiple men that way I won't get too hung up on one or Codey till the right one wants a relationship. I think that's a good idea so, I'm going out with subnacho tonight, dinner @ Luiciano's. Maybe it will keep my mind off Trojan Man. *sighs* I hope so.

In this moment I am protecting my options.

Establishing Boundaries When Dating.

So I went out on the first date with Trojan man last night, had a wonderful time and of course we talked about sex. Now today it seems like all he is interested in is talking about sex and getting me into bed with him. *sighs* Leads a girl to think that all he is interested in is that SEX.

So this evening right before my meeting I sent him a text asking if I could be completely honest about something? To which he of course replied yes. I told him that as much as I wanted to sleep with him, I have put up some boundaries while dating and I am working very strongly at abiding to them. That I am looking for someone to date, to trust to explore sexually and none sexually with. That I want someone to be able to talk to date, and establish a healthy loving relationship with. His reply back was we can do both. *sighs* now it leads a girl to hope that he's right but he still hasn't asked me on a second date, only wanting me to come over after my meeting to get sweaty.

I struggled through my meeting tonight how what to say to him about going over there. Talked to a gf @ the meeting who said she did the same thing with her now BF and just told him that she just wasn't comfortable having sex yet and only being used for sex, that She just wanted to wait till they were committed and trusted each other. She that he was frustrated many many times, but he did respect her boundaries. The thing is that he is in a program also so understands that she is working the program and respects that. Trojan man doesn't know about the program and telling him at the moment might scare him way off. *sighs*

This establishing boundaries when dating in order to have a healthy loving relationship isn't as easy as reading it. *sighs*

A refreshing date!

I went on a date tonight, we'll call him Trojan man. At first I was a bit apprehensive because of his divorce status. Not yet filed the papers but living apart. I thought to myself S what are you doing? He's not in a position to want to be in a relationship, but I pushed the little voice away and went. I'm glad I did

We met for drinks @ a local Mexican restaurant having a great time talking and flirting we missed the planned movie time and ended up going to the same movie a few hours later. Sitting in the theater being a little nervous but excited to be seeing Shutter Island, I mean come on 2 hours in the dark? :) What ever could happen. Well hand holding happened almost immediately, then some leg rubbing and well let's just say that he wasn't protesting. *smiles* After the movie we walked back to our cars hand n hand. Ended up talking for another 2 hours. Ended with a kiss, saying good night we both went our separate was for the evening. Did I want to go home with him? YES but I am really working on this old fashioned dating, courting thing about it not being all about sex. And this guy I really like and clicked with. So we will see.

Its refreshing to go on a date with a real gentleman. Doors held open, treated, hand held and he really listened. It was nice. I can't wait to see him again, is this how dating is suppose to be?

Randomness thoughts on dating

Dating dating dating...what a strange world this is. Whatever happened to the days when men actually asked a woman out, they went out for some drinks, dinner, a movie? When they would get to know each other on an actual date? OHHH I know when the invention of the internet took over the actual process of people meeting, feeling a vibe, talking and getting to know each other, before they base it on a photo. Some people don't photograph well!!!

Recently I have been trying to figure out the difference between Dating, Friends with Benefits and Fuck Buddies (or Bootie Calls). And I have figure it out that men and women ave very different definitions of these. Now does this REALLY surprise anyone? Doesn't really surprise me...but what I find humours about it all is how men think I am strange when I describe my view of FWB's.

Dating
From a woman's view is when a man an woman goes out and dates, the old fashioned thing, the man pays, the goal is to ultimately figure out if they are a couple or not. Of course there is sex. There is a commitment and you may actually agree to not date others while dating.

From a man's view....this is a COMMITMENT!!! Stay away...one step closer to that big M word!!! Death to a man's genitals!

Friends with Benefits
From the woman's view the man and woman go out hang out do normal things, vent to each other, are friends first. They pay for themselves, no lovey dovey stuff, but they do have sex but its not required every time they hang out and its more of helping to release a need, you may snuggle, end up spending the night with each other but you both understand its not a couple thing. The goal isn't to become a couple.

From a man's view...This is dating!!!

Fuck Buddies (or bootie calls)
From a woman's view now do I really have to explain this? It's only about sex...one goes to the other get it on and get out of there.

From a man's view
The woman they call up if they strike out at the bar and come home drunk and horny.

So you can see a woman's delmina while trying to figure things in this world of dating!!! Gosh finding a man that understands I'd like a FWB...or dating is like winning the lottery....except with winning the lottery it might actually happen!!!