That's what she gets....a sad moment.

That's what she gets for loving me. The song from Brooks & Dunn says it so sweetly, She said what she wants is a man to be faithful, A true heart somebody willin' and able, To stay by her side through thick and thin, A tender touch every now and then. That would be so nice but seems such a far off dream. Its that country love song again. Its that unattainable love. That fairytale that we hear from child hood and never obtain.

Its funny I thought The Past was that fairytale love that ending of all things. My best friend, lover, the and then some. He didn't complete me he added to me. So I thought The Past dedicated a song to me actually two when the break up was going down. Chris Cagle's Look @ what I've done and Darius Rucker's "Don't think I don't think about it .

Chris Cagle's song still to this day tears at my heart. As though it was yesterday. The song ends with the girl being the stronger one, having taken the time to heal, finding something stronger. *sighs* Will I ever feel that strength? I have the strength in me to go on I know this and I am actually really fine for the most part. Its when I think a split second on the past and am reminded of what I thought I had that I allow my heart to feel with sadness.

So don't think about that split second S. I've been working out again water aerobics that's been nice. I enjoy the stress reliever. I took a walk on the beach Sunday, watched the waves, let the worries wash away. Wouldn't it be nice if heart break could be that easy? Just take a dive in the ocean and the waves repair your heart you come out and no more pain. I suppose that is what my program is suppose to be teaching me. Teaching me to take the time to heal and learn.

I've taken a lot of time thinking about Trojan Man. He's made it very clear that we are NOT in a relationship. That we have NO connection to each other and that we owe each other NOTHING! Yeah I like him a lot, well I did, I've found my desperation and loneliness coming out again. That obsessive feeling I had when with The Past. I don't like that feeling, and he's not into me, so why am I wasting time, energy and sorrow on this guy who really is nothing?

That's what she gets....or is it?