Do we need to throw it a funeral?

Has courting a woman died in society? Do we need to arrange a funeral for it and stand by its graveside and say what will miss about it? Seriously with today's technology of life it seems that the old fashioned way of courting a woman is Dead! Hand out the hankies there is going to be a lot of crying going on.

When did it become standard for a man to IM or text a woman and say would you like to go out to dinner and then not make the arrangements? When did meeting for coffee or drinks become a standard 1st date? When did a woman's apprehension towards a man because of fear of pain, mean a woman wants a man to beg her? When did being smitten with a woman become something of my grandmother's time?

Who's playing the taps? Put the flags at half mast, pull out the black dresses, and drop the casket 6 feet down. For courting has died and today is the funeral!

Sometimes communicating your concerns....isn't easy!

I've learned over the past year through my program to express my wants, needs, views, concerns and set boundaries. So why is it that trying to have and live healthy relationships with people on all levels of your life, seems harder to communicate than to just not say anything at all

Is it so uncommon for people to express their wants and needs in a non-judgemental/negative way that others automatically become defensive? I don't know but I am truly trying to live and treat others in my life the way I want to be treated.

So I was communicating with a guy who I mentioned yesterday to you my dear blog, who purchased a vehicle for a good friend of his today. This friend is a female, she's a single mom of a 16 year old and according to him things are tight and her current vehicle was falling a part. So he decided to spend the money he had set aside to purchase himself another fun vehicle and purchase his friend a reliable car. I admire him for doing it and think it was an amazing thing to do (hey any of you out there want to pay for me to go to New York City, I wouldn't turn it down. *giggles* just saying!)

So to continue on. Anyhow during this communication I expressed my concerns behind why he had done this for this woman. I was trying to be honest that I was concerned about getting involved with someone whom might have strong feelings for another woman and have just bought her a car. I realized through the conversation that he was feeling a bit attacked and I felt terrible, because this was not my intention at all. My intention was to only express my concerns in a healthy, loving, honest way. *sighs*

When did that become such absurdity? Why is it that we jump to the conclusion that someone is attacking us when they are trying to express their hopes, needs, wants, concerns? Has society become such a out for themselves, defend it for all it's worth system? Where are the peace loving days of the 60's? *giggles* probably washed away with the idea of loving thy neighbor.

Sorta like laying there naked in all your flaws!

So I am on A LOT of dating sites (really who isn't these days!) anywho. I've been on this one site for gosh I think almost 8 years. I chat in its chatroom and really just enjoy the banter of the room sometimes. I don't take anything from the site seriously as well to be honest I don't think I will find what I am looking for. I actually had my profile off for a long time as I was so tired of the nonsense associated with the emails from men, and women!. I mean seriously why is it just because I have a profile on an adult dating site does it have to ONLY constitute a quick hook up? or that, that is what I am looking for.

I enjoy sex as much, if not more than the next woman (sometimes more so then men) and yes my mind can go STRAIGHT to the gutter if I allow it! But yeesh, there is so much more to me than my beewbies!

Anyhow so I turned my profile back on about 3 days ago and made an update on it. Stating something like ask me about my Blog. I'm not sure what made me do it. I suppose because I'm pretty honest and open my dear blog when talking to you and I figured if someone really wants to get to know me they can get a glimpse of me through you my dear blog. What I didn't expect is to feel naked showing all my bodies imperfections, and trust me it's not always a pretty sight!

So here I am now in a state of total dis-belief that someone actually read my blog and wants to ask me out. I feel like a silly school girl blushing and not knowing how to address the situation! Can you believe that? ME A BLUSHING SCHOOL GIRL! *giggles*

So here is the other delimina; although I am honest with you my dear blog I don'ttell you every little aspect of my life. *smiles* I mean I haven't told you recently about what's going on at work, or that mom & dad sold the house and how that is effecting me. Or that The Past is flying the new GF over to the middle east for a vacation. Or that I miss my dog a lot lately. I tell you about the exciting funny dating stories. But there is so much more about me!....like I started my own MEETUP Group....GIRL POWER! and totally excited that we are up to 25 girlies! So yeah you don't know all about me my dear blog. I guess I'm not totally naked I do have some coconuts covering parts of me. *smiles*

*sighs* so now what? Well it seems my Higher Power is watching out for me making me have some patience, as being a standard member on that site I can't return his email till I guess late tonight, patience! We all know I don't have that!

Do I accept a dinner date with this man whom from all aspects of his emails seems respectful, I have been fooled before. Do I stay patience and see how interested he really is and see what he does to convience me he's really the man he wants to be and find a way to make me say yes? Do I make the present pay for former experiences? or isntead allow the present to be exactly that a PRESENT a gift that might actually be pretty amazing!

I'd like the simplest part of the menu please!

I can get sex...I can get sex...I can get sex!!! Why do men seriously not understand that what I am missing in my life is not the physical part of sex and the simplest part of the menu. Maybe on a man's menu a woman's simple part is really the most complex on theirs. After all they say men are Mars women are from Venus or something silly like that.

Sure I miss the physical part of sex at times. A large rough hand caressing my thighs, a warm wet mouth biting down on a hard excited nipple or even the first entering of my lady part. All these are amazing and make sex enjoyable, but you can really get that from and tom, dick or harry in any corner bar. Its the simplest part of the menu that I crave.

The debating over breakfast about how to handle the oil spill and fill the hole, the expressing my views and thoughts and knowing they'll still meet ya for dinner that night even if they disagree. It's knowing they are going to be there the next morning. The one who grabs your hand as your walking, holds the door, or texts just to say hey! The one who asks how your day went. The simplest things that make humanity bearable.

The one your heart jumps when you hear his voice on the other end, your smile crosses your face, eyes and body every time you see them. The one person who can chase the clouds away. The one that no matter where you go it seems like an adventure that you never want to end.

The one that you could give all of yourself to body, soul, mind and know that when they throw you against the wall kissing you passionately, as a hand finds your panties that in the end you are going to be filled with gentleness.

Where is the waiter? I'd like to order of the simplest part of the menu please!

why am I feeling down?

Why is it that today I looked @ The Past's Facebook page and it shook me up? Nothing has changed. I know why we aren't together and I have no desire to get back together. I do miss him at times but I know I am in a better place today.

So why it have me sad and wanting to crawl into bed crying? Is my cycle coming? Is it that my birthday is in a few days? Or the anniversary of Izzy's passing? Am I just overwhelmed and depressed? Is that I am feeling down that there is no one in my life to treat me specially on my birthday? No flowers that will be delivered to my office this year, no special kisses. Maybe I am just being emotional. I don't know.

Maybe crawling back into bed would be best. Kisses and hugs this afternoon from my god baby will cheer me...she's turning 2 and that is great!

So who knows hopefully I'll get past this in a few hours.

Why do men call women drama?

Why is it that men have this un caddy way of calling a woman drama? The way they say it sometimes is like a slap across the face almost as bad as calling her a Bitch or a Cunt. Two words I despise greatly. So why is it that men say this? Do they teach them in some boy's school exactly what to say to hurt a girl?

So why am I thinking this or why am I wondering these thoughts? Well stupid me went over to Ice Tea man's house again last night. It was nice we hung out, watched the pacific, had pizza, sex (bad sex this time) and then he drove me to my car. Here is where it gets to the drama part, as we were walking out to his car he was telling me about how he didn't drink in college and some stories from his fraternity. When he was done I started to share about myself how I hadn't really drank until my divorce @ 30. That seeing your best friend killed by a drunk driver @ 16 sorta puts a damper on wanting to drink. So as I said this, Mr Ice Tea man says aren't you just full of Drama, I was like what? I said to him how is something that has happened in my life, something I didn't cause or have anything to do with make me DRAMA? To which he looked at me and said you've had a lot of drama in your life. I shook my head as the elevator showed up and got in.

It hurt and pissed me off and I thought to myself HOW THE HELL AM I DRAMA from things that have happened in my life. If anything everything that has happened in my life has molded me into who I am today. I think I'm pretty sane for having lost people in my life, children, an abusive marriage and other things, amazing how that is considered drama. I didn't turn to drugs, drinking or anything else, I learned and grew from the things that have happened to me.

I have to remind myself though that it's his issues not mine. I take the things that have happened to me and grow from them, isn't that what life is about?

I so adore my friends!!

Last night was my birthday dinner. What a wonderful amazing night, I had so much fun. I got pleasantly buzzed not overly drunk but happily buzzed. I have amazing friends in my life & am a very lucky woman.

They all make me smile and are in my life for so many different reasons that I am so grateful to my higher power for the diversity they bring to my life. The best part of it all is that they all got along greatly. I don't know why I had any 'doubts they are my friends after all! *smiles*

So there are a few decisions that came out of last night. I cut two men out of my life last night. They RSVP'd that they would be there and than didn't show up. No text saying they weren't making it NOTHING! To me that is just total disrespect. Yes you could say woooo S what if something came up that they couldn't show up? Well I thought about that, except there is a history of disrespect on these two men's parts and this was the final straw for me. So I texted them both last night telling them off and telling them to lose my number. Deleted them from my phone, IM and email. Setting boundaries to protect myself and healthy loving respectful relationships in my life.

I feel good and awesome about the future.