Done moving on NEXT!!

So this week I have apologized more to G than I have ever done in my life. I have asked to see him, attempted to be patient, and wait to see what he's going to decide, but after this afternoon I realize its really worthless. He's so wrapped up in his life and the drama that's in it that he doesn't have time for me or us. So I'm cutting myself off. It's going to be hard, but if he really wanted me he wouldn't be so willing to push me away, and he would feel that we are important to try and work things out.

Last night I sent him racy photos of myself, hoping that would entice a response, no. I've been nice, friendly sending little jokes, texts etc. But I only get a response every few texts these days, not like before. The final straw for me was that I won free tickets to a movie premier of American Reunion for tonight. Before the big fight on Monday we were suppose to be going to dinner tonight. Now he tells me that he has to go to Costco, the bank, etc. So I give up. Really. I do, I want to cry, I want to scream and I want to bash my head in because I know that its my fault. At the same time I want to scream at him and say REALLY? REALLY, you're going to punish me for having fears and confusion? I'm still the amazing me, I just showed a flaw, if I can accept and still be with you for yours why can't you for mine?

OH I know why...because he's not the one, and as much as I keep trying to fix this, its just being more and more disrespectful on his part each day for allowing it to go on.

I read something today that I had written awhile ago from one of the PAX seminars. It was talking about women and survival. Re-reading it hit a cord with me. It said we survive by being connected. When we feel connected we feel safe. When there's distance we're scared. Its scary to us. That's me BIG TIME from the fricken between G and I Monday. I don't like feeling disconnected, because it creates a distant between us and makes me scared.

I've learned a lot about myself and acknowledged my part in this all, but G hasn't and that hurts. So NEXT. That's all NEXT!!
NEXT!!!