One day he'll come along and I'll be gone.

You have bottom lines for a reason, and when you don’t follow them something always creeps up to make you wonder if that is why you have the bottom line in the first place.

I told G that I couldn’t be in a relationship with him right now, and its funny a part of me really wanted him to fight and tell me not so fast sweetheart. But alas like every other man in my life it didn’t happen. Maybe I have to high of standards, or maybe as M once told me I really am looking for the Cinderella story.

I don’t think it’s a lot to want to be out and public about your relationship, or that you want your man to be proud of you, to want to say to the world this is my woman. To not be a secret, to want him to say this is my woman and don’t you dare hurt her. G is still married, they are separated, have been for 6 months but they haven’t filed for the divorce due to money. I could handle it if that was the only thing, but its not, they still share things together, don’t get me wrong I am very open and understanding that they will always be connected because they have twin boys together. That’s not what I am fretting about, its that she is still on his Facebook, that she still texts him to have dinner with them, that she manipulates him into spending time with her when she has the boys, its little jabs she makes towards him, and him not standing up to her. It’s him keeping me a secret, its feeling like I’m the mistress and that’s not a good feeling. I felt that way for way to long with (the past), not again.

So I really hoped when I expressed my feelings today that things would have been different but they were as they always are, okay I understand, and I’m sorry I don’t want to put you through this. At first we had decided that we would not be in a relationship that we would date for the next few months, until he felt he could tell her that he was in a relationship. I thought I was okay with that, there would be no sex, no connection, etc. It would just be dating; I thought I could handle that. But when I left the conversation and thought about it, I realized that things had already changed for me. The fact that he was so willing to let me walk out the door made me realize that he isn’t the one. I’ve told him my fears, I’ve told him my wants, I’ve hoped that this time was different, but it just wasn’t and its okay, life goes on.

It’s a bottom line for a reason, no drugs, no married men, follow the guidelines/ the rules and you won’t put yourself in a situation to be hurt or question your self and your feelings, for one day he’ll come back and I’ll be gone. For the true one would stand up and block the door before he let me go. The true one will pull me back and say you’re mine. The true one will announce it to the world, this is my girl and she’s mine. One day when he decides he’s the one and watch I’ll be gone.