I'm taking a break!

So the past few days I have had some very interesting email conversations with a person who has started to read my blog. Its funny to get emails with comments about my blog, how they relate to it and what they find out about me .I am enjoying that there are people reading my blog and relating to it so that is nice. I thought that it might change how I write but really I realized once I start writing it just flows.

So the conversations with this person and my reactions to some of the things that they have told me surprised me a bit. I felt all sorts of emotions and I had never even meet them. Emotions ranging from jealousy, to hurt, to laughing, to happiness. For some reason although I know mentally this person isn't right of me, that loneliness and that part of me that says maybe just maybe, was there. The more I am getting to know this person the more that the door for romance closes.

Last night we had a miss-communication/hurt feelings via text. I knew that they had been with 2 women over the past 2 days but came to find out that it was really 3 over 3 days. Now I know some men and women for that matter are probbably thinking "lucky dog" but to me I was thinking to myself...really? Why are you 1. telling me this when it seems as though you are trying to get me to go out with you and 2. why are you doing that to yourself when you say you want a relationship? You can't develop a relationship with someone if you are doing the deed with a harem of women. You really can't! Your focus is not on the right person. So I told them that we are sooooo not ever dating!!! I don't want to be a part of a harem. They replied back you're just NOW shutting the door?

This little text conversation and a few emails and discussions really had me thinking last night as I drifted off to sleep about my dating situation and I came to a decision as I woke this morning.

I'M TAKING A BREAK!!!

Yep! I'm taking a break from dating. I have turned off my profiles on all the dating sites, won't respond to any emails from them and won't be looking or placing ads on any other sites. I've realized that the past 6 months I have been focusing a bit to much on dating. That doesn't meant that I am not going to still learn about myself and about men, it just means that I'm not going to actively search or chase a man during my break. If a man asks me out in a proper way or attempts to court me then I may say yes, but I am not going to waste my time or energy chasing men anymore. Its not worth it.

So this morning I woke up and deleted everyman from my phone that I have been sexual with in the past and there are hopes of for the future and or a dating situation. I realized during my decision making last night that I tend to text the men in my life first and then it feels as though I am chasing them. So I deleted them all. I did keep a few that had at one time been lovers years ago but now we are strictly friends. Its funny two of the deleted already text ed me today...so now I have to decide do I re-add them or just leave it as is.

If you're asking yourself how long is this break? Well at first I thought I'm not going to put a time period on it...but then I realized NO I have to set a goal for myself to accomplish so that I don't fail tomorrow. So I decided 3 months. If I stumble well so be it, I'm not going to beat myself up over it.

But I realized that in order for me to truly concentrate on myself and my continued recovery I really need to be confident in myself and my life. So for the next 3 months I am going to concentrate on getting healthy outside, inside, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. Focus on my passions and my goals. Complete myself without thinking about dating. Who knows that King might actually find me when I'm not looking.