Feeling off....just a little.

Ever have that off feeling? You just can't put your finger on it like something is going on and you just don't know what, but you feel it in your gut? That's how I am feeling this afternoon.

I think there is just so much going through my head. Will I get more hours at work? Is my relationship with my sponsor getting to friendshipy? Is my ATM card ever going to get here? Is Yumminess going to bail on me for the theater Sat? All things I can't control and really need to just release over to my Higher Power.

I'm feeling a bit disconnected from my parents right now. I know it's my own doing by putting up boundaries but sometimes I just miss my mom. Called her today and she's sick, I get concerned when my parents are sick these days. They're not old old but they aren't as young as they use to be. I'll be happy when the house sells and they are moved and settled into the new place.

I realize that the fear of rejection and not wanting to hurt those around you, can really disable you when it comes to communicating healthily and honestly. Sometimes I want to tell a friend, date, family member how I am feeling yet don't want to cause tension or confrontation. Give it over to my Higher Power and in his time he will show me the way to deal with taking care of myself first.

I finished the book "My love was killed in Baghdad" it was a sad ending I knew what was going to happen but still it made me cry at the same time made me say to myself will I ever find a love like that? One day.....I have faith and in time it will happen. *smiles*

So I know what is bugging me and I didn't want to blog about it because of fear of feeling like I'm still dreading up these thoughts but I need to get it out. So The Past's new GF is celebrating her 30th b-day next month. She has an event invitation sent out on Facebook, and we have some mutual friends.

Anyhow I was looking at her page (okay yes I stalked it) and noticed on her friends page that The Past's good friend in AZ RM is a friend of the new GF. It really bugged because when The Past and I were together I was very friendly and kind to RM but she always seemed to have some alter motives. One time I asked her for her mailing address as The Past wanted to send her a birthday card, she gave me the wrong address on purpose. The card was returned to us, it really hurt my feelings when The Past asked her about it and she admitted she gave the wrong address. He didn't even ask her why or defend me. So now here RM is a friend of the new GF, and it fricken HURTS!!! It really hurts and I suppose I am jealous that this new GF is getting everything that I wanted when in our relationship.

Oh the wants of the heart will the head ever teach the heart to let it go and heal. Feeling a little off....and realizing The Past is still very present in my healing process.