Sometimes Feeling like an impostor is just that...a Feeling.

I took my 9 month token in my program tonight, but I wasn't excited or relieved or even happy. No actually I felt this overwhelming feeling of being an impostor, as though I really hadn't made any progress in my program over the past 9 months. Sometimes I feel as though I am still the same person I was when The Past and I ended it 9 months ago.

So I have been having this really bad poor me, why me, jealousy feeling the past few days. Re-realizing that The Past never really loved me. I don't know how many times I have to come to this realization before I'm not surprised. Because each time I re-realize it, it's like the first time I realized it, as if it was the first time I finally sat and said okay its truly over.

I think it's more of this feeling the past few days of what was wrong with me that he couldn't love me the way he loves the new GF in his life? Feeling that feeling of not being good enough, then listening tonight in the meeting the shares and realizing that there really isn't anything wrong with me, that's his hang up not mine.

I am ever so grateful for my program family. If it wasn't for them I really don't know where I would be today. NP gave me my token tonight and she said some of the sweetest things that really hit me hard and made me realize through everything that I was changing and making a difference in others lives. Its a good feeling.

So although sometimes I feel like and impostor working my program and the steps, in reality the only impostor that is here is the unhealthy, negative self thoughts, that are slowly but surely turning in to self love and light.