This will probbably make no sense.

Just a warning this rant will probably make no sense at all. So be forewarned!

So last night was my first organized Meet & Greet for a chatroom that I have chatted in for 6 years. I was so excited and thought there would be tons of single men, woman and couples. San Diego isn't representative enough in M&G's and thought it would be a HUGE success. But nope a handful of people showed up. The positive is that its a good start for future M&G's. So we will do another one in a few weeks and hope things get better.

I'm down on myself tonight not sure why. I've decided to go to SLAA I'm hoping between that and my other program that I'll be able to truly heal and pick better options in a relationship in the future. Its like I am reaching out to men in my past that aren't good for me and aren't SMITTEN with me. Why?

I've been thinking about Trojan man a lot, not sure why. It's not like he wants an type of relationship with me. Not even a friendship. *sighs* Pathetic in a way. Then there's Mike from way way back, from last year after The Past. we've talked a lot the past few months even to the point of last week he was telling me he wanted to get together for dinner. Today I text him and find out he's taking a job back in MI this summer and has a GF now. *sighs*

What is wrong with me that I'm not in a relationship with someone of quality. Yes I know I know integrity from within but *kicking rocks* trust me sometimes it really bites the big one being alone. Just one one good man to come along and be smitten with me, entice me mentally sexually physically. *impossible*

Been thinking about my parents a lot today...I should really go up there and see mom. Just seems to much work to do that. Maybe this week.

I need to focus on working out more...went to the gym three times this past week...so proud of myself for that. Need to just stay focused as I was last year...take the weight off again and keep it off. I felt so amazing before.

*sighs* Thoughts rambling in the head and so not making sense...then again in S's world things don't have to.