I asked A last night if he wanted to be in a relationship with
me? I needed to have that clarified after everything that has happened. I don’t
want him to feel obligated to be with me for standing by him, that’s not why I
did it. I did it because he needed
someone there, I choose to stay because I understand why the things happened
and am working through those I don’t. Life isn’t black and white there is a
grey and sometimes you have to be okay with living in that area.
Last night I thought a lot about moving. I didn’t think
about moving with K but just my own place again. I don’t know why. I love my
husband, I truly do and I don’t want to get a divorce. I just feel very guilty
lately about wanting to spend all my time with A. I don’t know if I’m a
terrible wife or what. So yes I’m feeling guilty.
My cycle is going to start I know this, next week sometime.
I just need to de-stress and sleep. I just need someone to want to take care of
me for a lil bit right now, but that is to selfish of me I know that. So for now I just need to focus on what the
moment and breathe.
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