You're alive....and you never loved me.

You’re found. I found you on Thursday at your apt. the story is strange and wild just as this past week has been. You looked like death warmed over; I was so scared. They say that you had high levels of PCP in you, your liver and kidneys were shutting down and you had muscle atrophy.  It was a scary few days, but you woke up yesterday morning finally after sleeping all night and you seemed your self.

We talked last night and everything I thought I knew about you was a lie. You lied about Ryan killing himself to get space from me. You said I am overbearing and that you had tried to end things a few times but I wouldn’t let you. All things I don’t know if they are true are not, but all things that hurt last night. All things that I can’t wrap my brain around, all things I don’t know what to do with now.

I loved you; I brought you into my life, my family, and my heart. I would have done anything for you. I did do anything for you, I searched high and low for you this past week, and I saved your life. I cleaned your puke; I put my job in danger, I don’t know would I do it again? Most likely because I am stupid, because I love whole-heartedly, and without reserve.

I can’t wrap my head around it all. I really can’t.  I can’t think at the moment and all I want to do is cry.  I thought work would distract me but its not.

I’m just so empty at the moment. I don’t know what to do or say, except that you’re alive and you never loved me.