Step up

We met at a time I think when you were doing well. I still think about our first date, how you looked at every part of my body, touching, taking it in like it was a temple you wanted to worship. You couldn’t get enough, every touch, every kiss, every look was like fire. Today Its like I’m a bag of potatoes; nothing I say or do is good enough. Its not healthy, the way I’m not wanted by either of you. I’m broken, I’m lost, and I’m empty. Two men I love and neither one find me sexually tempting, or desirable. 

So what to do? Walk away? How do I do that? How do I walk away from something that I can’t even seem to understand why I am allowing.

Sitting down I realize I’m angry. I’m angry with myself for settling. I have settled for so long in my marriage, by allowing K to not work and stress myself out with paying bills and feeling like a terrible wife. I am angry with myself for falling for A and allowing the past month to effect friendships and my job. I’m angry with A for not seeing and respecting me. I’m angry at K for not helping more, for not stepping up, for never doing what he says he’s going to do. It’s always on their terms, well I believe I am getting to the point that its going to be on my terms.

I can’t continue to be in relationships or live my life by settling anymore. Either step up and be men, men that show you want a better life for yourselves and me. OR STEP THE FUCK OUT!